Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don’t Celebrate It
“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, “Never take candy from strangers.” And then they dressed me up and said, “Go beg for it.” I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, “Trick or treat.” “No thank you.” Rita Rudner
1. Option #1 – Leave town
2. Option #2 – Draw the blinds and act as if you’ve left town.
3. Option #3 – Come clean and tell everyone … to put it mildly: “Enough Already!”
4. Option #4 – Tell the kids: “We dress up as ducks or we stay home!”
For those of you/us who don’t celebrate Halloween, it’s a day to chill out and put on your best smile. You might wonder why so many people get into the “spirit” of this one day hurrah. The celebration goes back to 1745 and means Holy Evening. It’s celebrated on the evening before All Hallows Day which is also known as All Saints Day. Hence the name: Halloween! So the demons and devils come out to play for one last night, before they get kicked back to the dungeon where they belong. Ha!
People love the fear factor attached to this day and you see many kooky manifestations of it; from creepy food to ghoulish outfits. It taps into that strong human emotion – FEAR! H P Lovecraft said it well. “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” If you are over it already, I’ve shared a few tips, above and below, to help you survive.
“I see my face in the mirror and go, ‘I’m a Halloween costume? That’s what they think of me?” Drew Carey
5. Option #5 – Put a bowl of Candy Corn outside with a note: “Made In 1911!”
6. Option #6 – Post a sign in front of your home saying: We don’t give ANYTHING to dead people
7. Option #7 – Keep Brutus at your front gate with a sign: “You wanna be DINNER?” No ghouls, zombies or brats tolerated.
What was the worst experience you ever had during Halloween? I’ve read stories of people being chased by aggressive dogs or angry homeowners passing out rotten candy. Sometimes, people in dark corners are mistaken for the real thing or vise versa… Vise versa!? Yep. There have been countless tales of real ghosts mingling with humans on this dark night of the soul. You might have encountered one without knowing it or heard stories of people who did. Here’s a quick story to prove it.
Five friends were walking home after a Halloween party. They decided to cut through a cemetery to get home faster. As they walked across it, they heard loud banging noises and a voice complaining. Out of curiosity, they approached and saw a dark form which made them jump. A loud voice said “What do you want?” They composed themselves and walked up to an older man chipping away at a headstone with a hammer. “You almost scared us to death,” one of the five said as the others laughed. ” Why are you here!?” They asked in unison. “My family members are a bunch of idiots! They mis-spelled my name, so I had to climb out to fix it.” said the old man glaring at them. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” Douglas Coupland
“When I was a kid my family was really poor and I remember one Halloween I wanted to dress up really scary and my parents came home with a duck costume. I wore that costume for years! I hated it.” R.L. Stine
8. Option #8 – I’ve run out of gas, you write the rest…
9. Option #9 – (your lame joke here) Invite friends over for a Non-Halloween Party
10.Option #10- (your lame joke here) Mail a letter to your neighbors explaining why anything to do with ghouls, monsters and painted pumpkins gives you the creeps.
I hope you had a few laughs at some of these corny jokes. Feel free to add some of your own jokes in the comments. If not, too bad. Boo to you! Must dash now, I have a few episodes of Housewives of Atlanta and New Jersey to watch. As Dena Manzo says in the opening… ” Namaste B#654#s! Happy Halloween!
Positive Motivation Tip: Enjoy the evening but watch your back… All will be well.