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Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don’t Celebrate It

29/10/2014

“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, “Never take candy from strangers.” And then they dressed me up and said, “Go beg for it.” I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, “Trick or treat.” “No thank you.” Rita Rudner

Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don't Celebrate It

Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don’t Celebrate It – I feel hollow Inside…

1. Option #1 – Leave town
2. Option #2 – Draw the blinds and act as if you’ve left town.
3. Option #3 – Come clean and tell everyone … to put it mildly: “Enough Already!”
4. Option #4 – Tell the kids: “We dress up as ducks or we stay home!”

For those of you/us who don’t celebrate Halloween, it’s a day to chill out and put on your best smile. You might wonder why so many people get into the “spirit” of this one day hurrah. The celebration goes back to 1745 and means Holy Evening. It’s celebrated on the evening before All Hallows Day which is also known as All Saints Day. Hence the name: Halloween! So the demons and devils come out to play for one last night, before they get kicked back to the dungeon where they belong. Ha!

People love the fear factor attached to this day and you see many kooky manifestations of it; from creepy food to ghoulish outfits. It taps into that strong human emotion – FEAR!  H P Lovecraft said it well. “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” If you are over it already, I’ve shared a few tips, above and below, to help you survive.

“I see my face in the mirror and go, ‘I’m a Halloween costume? That’s what they think of me?” Drew Carey

Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don't Celebrate It

Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don’t Celebrate It – I haven’t felt alive in years!

5. Option #5 – Put a bowl of Candy Corn outside with a note: “Made In 1911!”
6. Option #6 – Post a sign in front of your home saying: We don’t give ANYTHING to dead people
7. Option #7 – Keep Brutus at your front gate with a sign: “You wanna be DINNER?” No ghouls, zombies or brats tolerated.

What was the worst experience you ever had during Halloween? I’ve read stories of people being chased by aggressive dogs or angry homeowners passing out rotten candy.  Sometimes, people in dark corners are mistaken for the real thing or vise versa… Vise versa!?  Yep.  There have been countless tales of real ghosts mingling with humans on this dark night of the soul. You might have encountered one without knowing it or heard stories of people who did. Here’s a quick story to prove it.

Five friends were walking home after a Halloween party. They decided to cut through a cemetery to get home faster. As they walked across it, they heard loud banging noises and a voice complaining. Out of curiosity, they approached and saw a dark form which made them jump. A loud voice said “What do you want?” They composed themselves and walked up to an older man chipping away at a headstone with a hammer. “You almost scared us to death,” one of the five said as the others laughed. ” Why are you here!?”  They asked in unison. “My family members are a bunch of idiots! They mis-spelled my name, so I had to climb out to fix it.” said the old man glaring at them. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

More BELOW!

“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” Douglas Coupland

Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don't Celebrate It - I feel stretched

Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don’t Celebrate It – I feel stretched

Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don't Celebrate It

Halloween Humor: 10 Things To Do If You Don’t Celebrate It – I feel disconnected

“When I was a kid my family was really poor and I remember one Halloween I wanted to dress up really scary and my parents came home with a duck costume. I wore that costume for years! I hated it.” R.L. Stine

8. Option #8 – I’ve run out of gas, you write the rest…
9. Option #9 – (your lame joke here) Invite friends over for a Non-Halloween Party
10.Option #10- (your lame joke here) Mail a letter to your neighbors explaining why anything to do with ghouls, monsters and painted pumpkins gives you the creeps.

I hope you had a few laughs at some of these corny jokes. Feel free to add some of your own jokes in the comments. If not, too bad. Boo to you! Must dash now, I have a few episodes of Housewives of Atlanta and New Jersey to watch. As Dena Manzo says in the opening… ” Namaste B#654#s! Happy Halloween!

Positive Motivation Tip: Enjoy the evening but watch your back… All will be well.

PHOTO CREDITS/ATTRIBUTIONS: All Photos: glowing pumpkin, headstones, Turnip head from Wikipedia.

Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Mirth and Motivation
Positive Kismet

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91 Comments leave one →
  1. aimee (@HouseofFaucis) permalink
    31/10/2014 12:46 pm

    If I did not celebrate Halloween, I’d simply turn out the lights, relax and be thankful that I did not have to go out.

    Like

  2. Robin (Masshole Mommy) permalink
    31/10/2014 1:03 pm

    Most of my neighbors are elderly, so we’re the only light on in the neighborhood.

    Like

  3. 31/10/2014 1:12 pm

    Halloween is one of my least favorite holidays, but we definitely do send mixed messages to our kids with this holiday. But the kids have fun, so it is worth it.

    Like

  4. Kimberly Bergeron permalink
    31/10/2014 1:51 pm

    These are a hoot! Make sure you watch your back too!

    Like

  5. 31/10/2014 3:01 pm

    These are pretty good! Not everyone partakes in the trick or treating!

    Like

  6. pinntell permalink
    31/10/2014 3:35 pm

    Too funny! We don’t do much for Halloween, but kiddo’s school has a fun trunk or treat.

    Like

  7. 31/10/2014 3:52 pm

    Hehe these are great! I love Halloween though!

    Like

  8. Debbie Denny permalink
    31/10/2014 4:10 pm

    Living out in the country we don’t get any treaters. Once in a while we do get trickers, but our dog will take care of that.

    Like

  9. 31/10/2014 4:20 pm

    I like the quote about wearing a costume every day 🙂 My son wishes he could! Have a great Halloween!

    Like

  10. 31/10/2014 5:21 pm

    Too funny! I love this, especially the candy corn

    Like

  11. Nicole Mamatofiveblessings Homeschooling permalink
    31/10/2014 5:22 pm

    LOL! We do not celebrate it at all, not even acknowledging it. Our neighbors know we don’t so no one knocks on our door.

    Like

  12. 31/10/2014 7:12 pm

    Cute post! Halloween is my most favorite holiday. I cannot imagine not celebrating it!:))

    Like

  13. 31/10/2014 7:18 pm

    Thanks for the Halloween humor! Someone on FB just posted that in the midwest there’s a tradition of having to tell a joke before someone will give you candy. So you just provided a public service!

    Like

  14. Margarita Ibbott (@DownshiftingPRO) permalink
    31/10/2014 7:54 pm

    I am not a fan of Halloween so I’m sure I’ve used some of these excuses…

    Like

  15. Michelle F. permalink
    31/10/2014 8:04 pm

    Those are funny! I love option number 5 🙂

    Like

  16. Courtney permalink
    31/10/2014 8:34 pm

    Not celebrate Halloween?!? Hehe this was a funny post!! Thanks for the giggle!

    Like

  17. Alisha Kostiuk permalink
    31/10/2014 8:37 pm

    Love #7. These are funny and can you image the look on peoples faces?

    Like

  18. 31/10/2014 9:49 pm

    Lol great post!

    Like

  19. 31/10/2014 10:12 pm

    Haha! Those are awesome. I should try some time – Halloween is so normal for us here – its just like any other day lol… Some do costume and such but not really a thing in general..

    Like

  20. 31/10/2014 11:08 pm

    Hahaha, these are funny and #5 is a little mean. Lol. My family isn’t big on Halloween and where I live, people usually go out of town to enjoy the long weekend from the 31st of October up to the 2nd of November. People normally flock to cemeteries to visit loved ones that have passed on – it’s an age-old Filipino tradition that’s observed every year.

    Like

  21. SharonMomsMadhouses permalink
    01/11/2014 12:08 am

    Haha, very funny! We’re a corner house in a busy neighborhood so bailing doesn’t really work for us, these neighbors know us too well 😉

    Like

  22. 01/11/2014 3:06 am

    I actually do some of these things since I don’t celebrate or even like Halloween

    Like

  23. 01/11/2014 3:15 am

    Cute ideas…seems like quite a few these days turn off the lights and act like they are not home. I live in the country – no trick-or-treats – too far to walk. Especially last night it was 31 degrees with a 35 miles an hour wind. It was freezing outside!!!

    Like

  24. 01/11/2014 3:24 am

    I think ALL corn tastes like it was made in 1911. But not in a bad way… 🙂

    Like

  25. 01/11/2014 4:29 am

    Believe it or not, there are many people who don’t celebrate it where I live. I find that fine with me. To each it’s own!

    Like

  26. 01/11/2014 5:34 am

    I’m a fan of turn down the blinds and shut off the lights, but we participate for my kiddies.

    Like

  27. 01/11/2014 6:21 am

    I love it!! It is a challenge if you don’t celebrate, and can send mix messages to the kiddos in terms of never taking candy from a stranger and then taking them door to door. I honestly never thought about that before. #5 is great!

    Like

  28. 01/11/2014 7:03 am

    hahahaa good thing is tht i don’t need any of those… we’re really not into halloween thing.. 🙂

    Like

  29. 01/11/2014 7:38 am

    I hate halloween! I never enjoyed it as a kid, and thought it was a pain in the arse when my own kids were young. I think it was the year my son wanted to be a mummy that put me over the top. We tore sheets into strips and wrapped and pinned, and wrapped and pinned all afternoon. Then when he went out to trick or treat he began to unravel. OH the DRAMA!! After that year we backed off of the whole holiday.
    Loved the jokes, Elizabeth!
    xob

    Like

    • 03/11/2014 8:23 am

      OMG!!!! LOL! You should just copy this and write a blog post about it. Your comment is funnier than my post. I have to find a way to add it. Oh Barb, you still have your zip for the hilarious. TY! 🙂

      Like

      • 03/11/2014 10:04 am

        That’s because so much of my life is just plain hilarious! And, if you can’t find a way to laugh at any situation you aren’t trying hard enough!
        😉

        Like

      • 03/11/2014 10:10 am

        So that should be part of your next book – all the funny stories you can share. I’m adding your comment as a block-quote in the post. It is too funny to leave here. TY!

        Like

  30. The Positive MOM permalink
    01/11/2014 7:44 am

    Hahaha I don’t celebrate Halloween but never tried any of these. I don’t put up any signs or do anything, just do my own thing. These options you give are just crazy funny. You are super creative 🙂

    Like

  31. 01/11/2014 8:18 am

    What fun some of these would be! Haha, I actually LOL’d!

    Like

  32. chrissy4gordon24 permalink
    01/11/2014 8:33 am

    Very funny! Haha we celebrate it but it’s mostly for the kiddos 🙂

    Like

  33. 01/11/2014 8:52 am

    This post made me laugh out loud as I was reading. We stayed home and handed out candy. Though I’m not sure if we’ll do anything next year

    Like

  34. Melissa Smith permalink
    01/11/2014 10:38 am

    We’re definitely a Halloween household! Although I do love some of these suggestions & would try them just to see how others reacted. Like the candy corn made in 1911! LOL

    Like

  35. 01/11/2014 11:21 am

    hmmmm very interesting, i haven’t heard some of them but i do find it fascinating.

    Like

  36. Fathima Syedali permalink
    01/11/2014 11:24 am

    These are fun and interesting. I love the #5 and #7 ideas. Sad thing is here we do not have such halloween culture in my country. My wishes to every one who are all celebrating this halloween. Have a safe and fun halloween party.

    Like

  37. Amanda Love permalink
    01/11/2014 1:12 pm

    OK I do #2 every year. I pretend I’m not home. This year my son decided he wasn’t going so he gave out the candy. With the price of the candy I was planning on putting a sign saying “come back next week when the candy goes on sale”.

    Like

  38. 01/11/2014 4:02 pm

    haha
    Draw the blinds and act as if you’ve left town – this is what we used to do before we had kids 🙂

    Like

  39. Melanie (@melaniemiddle1) permalink
    01/11/2014 6:56 pm

    SO funny. I’m not a huge fan of this day, so I’m right there with you.

    Like

  40. 01/11/2014 7:02 pm

    My nephew had so much fun this year, and I went trick or treating with him. As we walked the neighborhood, I had on a glow in the dark skeleton hoodie and got mistaken for a treat-or-treater a couple of times. Everyone was so friendly…it warmed my heart to see all of the happy kids, the jack o lanterns, the decorations, and the neighbors mingling with one another.

    Like

  41. 01/11/2014 7:55 pm

    LOL! I like the tip of leaving the bowl of candy outside and leaving a sign saying made in 1911 lol!

    Like

  42. 01/11/2014 8:12 pm

    Hilarious excuses! Four and five are my favorites!

    Like

  43. Mrs. Mashed Up permalink
    01/11/2014 8:18 pm

    Great list. I actually don’t celebrate Halloween, and am super happy it’s over. I’m tried of people asking me what I’m dressing up as and replying with my name. I get weird looks. “Why would you dress up as yourself?” I just smile. Eventually they got the picture. lol

    Like

  44. 01/11/2014 8:24 pm

    I always draw the blinds, turn the lights off, snuggle the dogs, pop some popcorn and watch some cute Halloween movies! LOL.

    Like

  45. 02/11/2014 4:50 am

    Some of these are pretty funny. I like the kiddy aspect of the day, but the scary stuff (which goes hand-in-hand with the day) I could totally live without!

    Like

  46. Carly Anderson (@lipglosscrayons) permalink
    02/11/2014 8:48 am

    These are too funny! And I love that botox pumpkin!

    Like

  47. Fi Ní Neachtáin permalink
    02/11/2014 8:49 am

    I’m laughing at the turn the lights off and pretending you left town one, I know so many people who do that 🙂

    Like

  48. Rebecca Swenor permalink
    02/11/2014 10:15 am

    I love this list and am still laughing. I love #7. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

  49. 02/11/2014 12:13 pm

    My first tip if you don’t celebrate Halloween is to celebrate it. Why wouldn’t you?

    Like

    • 02/11/2014 8:52 pm

      It wasn’t part of my upbringing and I don’t like scary movies… so, scary dress up is out of the question for me. I honored it when my kids were little. Now that they are a bit older, I don’t have to do it anymore. 🙂

      Like

  50. Dawn Keenan permalink
    02/11/2014 3:02 pm

    This is hysterical. We celebrate, but I always enjoy a good laugh!

    Like

  51. Maria Iemma permalink
    02/11/2014 4:58 pm

    These are quite funny. We celebrate Halloween but respect the right of those that do not want to come out and ‘play’

    Like

  52. 02/11/2014 5:23 pm

    It’s always nice to re-read jokes, corny or whatever, I still get to laugh… thanks for brightening up my Monday morning & hope you’re Halloween was…whatever it was, lol … btw, we don’t celebrate it here where I come from… closest we do is have the kids dress up and bring to the mall where each participating store gives out candies… I think a best costume is awarded at a certain cut-off time. Again, thanks!

    Like

  53. 02/11/2014 11:45 pm

    Halloween is one of our favorites. We’re just in it for the fun though.

    Like

  54. 03/11/2014 11:12 am

    I’m always surprised when I get no trick-or-treaters. This is the 5th year no one knocked on my door. What the heck guys?!

    Like

  55. 03/11/2014 12:40 pm

    I celebrate it just for the candy! 😉 Good excuse to bake too.

    Like

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