Motivation Mondays: 12 Qualities I Admire More Than Skills
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” John Wooden
Motivation Mondays: 12 Qualities I Admire More Than Skills
12 Qualities I Admire More Than Skills
Recently, I was scrolling through my LinkedIn feed when a post by Gary Vaynerchuk came across my screen and made me pause. It was a picture of a handwritten list of “10 Things I Admire More Than Skills.” His list had the following qualities: Compassion. Sympathy. Empathy. Kindness. Gratitude. Humility. Patience. Self-awareness. Being the bigger person and Sincerity. Something about being the bigger person got me thinking, and soon I had put together my own. I must add that there are many variations of this list going around on LinkedIn and elsewhere on the Internet, and all have merit.
As you read through the list, ask yourself: Which of these qualities am I cultivating?
Skills matter. They help us build, create, solve problems, earn a living, and accomplish extraordinary things. I admire talent, intelligence, education, expertise, discipline, and achievement, but there are qualities I admire even more. Skills tell me ‘what you can do.’ Character tells me ‘who you are.’ A person can be enormously talented and still lack integrity. They can be brilliant and unkind. Accomplished and arrogant. Knowledgeable and completely unaware of how they affect others.
Skills can be learned, practiced, sharpened, and displayed. The qualities below require something deeper. They influence how we treat people, how we respond when life doesn’t go our way, and who we choose to be when there is no applause, reward, recognition, or audience. Here are 12 qualities I admire more than skills.
1. Integrity
“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”Anonymous
Definition: The quality of being honest and guided by strong moral principles, even when doing so is difficult or inconvenient.
Why does it matter more than skills? Skill tells me what you are capable of doing. Integrity tells me what you can be trusted to do. Talent without integrity can actually become dangerous because ability gives us power, while integrity governs how we use it.
Almost daily, we read about scammers who use complex forms of manipulation and tech talent to rob people. They are highly skillful yet lack integrity. If they put those skills to better use, they would be positive contributors to society. Reputation is what others believe about us; integrity is who we are when nobody is keeping score.
2. Compassion
“Compassion is a necessity, not a luxury.” The Dalai Lama
Definition: The ability to recognize another person’s suffering and feel moved to respond with care.
Why does it matter more than skills? Skills may help us solve someone’s problem; compassion makes us care that the person has a problem in the first place. Compassion takes us beyond noticing suffering and asks what we might do to lessen it. Intelligence can make us capable, but compassion helps make our capabilities humane.
When we spend more time accusing low-income people experiencing poverty and/or those struggling with homelessness of being lazy without truly understanding the reasons behind their plight, we are acting from a place of callousness, even apathy. As much as some think they have control over their lives, all it takes is a major illness or natural catastrophe for the tables to be turned. Never gloat over the suffering of others. You might walk in their shoes some day.
3. Magnanimity
“Magnanimity in politics is not seldom the truest wisdom.” Edmund Burke
Definition: Greatness of spirit and the willingness to be generous, gracious, forgiving, and above pettiness, especially when we have the power not to be. Why does it matter more than skills?
Why does it matter more than skills? Magnanimity is character at its most expansive. It is refusing to make ourselves bigger by making someone else smaller. It allows us to congratulate a competitor, forgive an offense, share credit, acknowledge another person’s gifts, and sometimes extend grace when retaliation would be easier. Skills can make a person powerful. Magnanimity reveals what that person does with power.
Magnanimity, or being the bigger person, takes humility, grace, forgiveness, and a willingness to see both sides of a story. I find that quality is sorely lacking in our world today, as some are busy flexing, trying to be top dog, or fighting to be the only right opinion/position even when their position is cruel and wrong.
4. Peace
“Peace begins with a smile.” Mother Teresa
Definition: A state of inner or outward calm, harmony, and freedom from hostility and unnecessary conflict.
Why does it matter more than skills? There is tremendous strength in a person who does not need to create chaos to feel powerful. Peace does not mean passivity, weakness, avoidance, or remaining silent in the presence of injustice. Sometimes protecting peace requires courage, boundaries, difficult conversations, and walking away. Skills help us navigate the world. Peace helps us live within ourselves and with one another. As the popular saying goes, “There is no greater wealth in this world than peace of mind.”
I believe that our world today is sustained by the goodwill and prayers of peaceful people and those who defend human rights and the rule of law. Some modicum of peace exists in our world because of the efforts of those who see the humanity in all people and who honor the dictates of their faith while respecting the rights of others to practice their own traditional, cultural, and religious beliefs. Peace prevails because of those angels on earth who speak up against atrocities and broker peace so we can all safely find our way home.
“A man’s character is the true guarantee of his conduct.” Arthur Schopenhauer
Motivation Mondays: 12 Qualities I Admire More Than Skills
5. Sympathy
“Sympathy is one of the principles most widely rooted in our nature.” William Godwin
Definition: The ability to recognize another person’s pain or difficulty and respond with concern and care.
Why does it matter more than skills? Skill can make someone accomplished; sympathy keeps accomplishment from making us indifferent. We do not have to experience another person’s hardship, or even fully understand it, to acknowledge that it hurts and respond with tenderness. Sympathy reminds us that being human isn’t merely about what we achieve. It is also about whether we remain capable of being moved by one another.
The Internet has made it possible for people to weigh in on the struggles of others, and sometimes those opinions are cruel. Hiding behind an anonymous handle, some people spew venom at others without regard for the power of words to wound. It takes more energy to get riled up and be vicious and less to be sympathetic.
6. Empathy
“I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.” Maya Angelou
Definition: The ability to understand another person’s feelings or perspective by trying to see an experience from their point of view.
Why does it matter more than skills? Skills help us perform; empathy helps us connect. A highly skilled person may be able to solve a problem, but an empathetic person first tries to understand the human being experiencing it. Empathy asks us to step outside ourselves to listen without immediately judging, fixing, comparing, or imposing our own experiences. It makes us better friends, parents, teachers, colleagues, leaders, neighbors, and citizens.
Nothing is more offensive than telling a person to get over their feelings or to quit seeing things through a particular lens. Instead, let’s practice empathy for once and respect the perspective even if it is not ours. I know it is not easy, but dismissing the feedback we get from our children, friends, and others shows a lack of empathy, and no one wins on that scorecard.
7. Kindness
“I prefer you to make mistakes in kindness than work miracles in unkindness.” Mother Teresa
Definition: The choice to treat others with generosity, consideration, warmth, and care.
Why does it matter more than skills? Kindness may be one of the most underestimated forms of strength. Skills can earn recognition; kindness often asks for none. Character is revealed in how we treat people who cannot advance us, what we say when nobody important is listening, and what we do when there is nothing to gain. Talent can open doors. Kindness determines how people feel after we have walked through them.
As Maya Angelou aptly said many moons ago, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Memories of kindness stay with us all our lives and give us hope and comfort during difficult times. It is not a casual cliché to remember to be kind.
8. Gratitude
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” Cicero
Definition: The conscious recognition and appreciation of the good we receive, experience, and sometimes take for granted. Why does it matter more than skills? Skills naturally draw attention toward what “we” accomplished. Gratitude reminds us that almost nothing meaningful is accomplished entirely alone. Someone taught us. Encouraged us. Forgave us. Opened a door. Gave us an opportunity. Loved us. Prayed for us. Believed in us and/or stayed. Gratitude does not diminish achievement; it gives achievement perspective. Skill says, “Look what I can do,” while Gratitude remembers, “Look at all that helped me become able to do it.”
I’ve always marveled at people who declare themselves as self-made men/women/superfly because it is impossible to accomplish anything without the help of others. This is where a spirit of gratitude comes in and why expressing it every day matters. Even the food we eat and each breath we take is a culmination of the effort we and others make to keep us alive and cared for. Gratitude precedes all we do, and remembering to express it is truly the best gift we can give ourselves regularly.
“Character is like a tree, and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” Abraham Lincoln
Motivation Mondays: 12 Qualities I Admire More Than Skills
9. Humility
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” Rick Warren
Definition: The ability to recognize your own worth and abilities without believing they make you more important than others.
Why does it matter more than skills? Skills can make us impressive; humility keeps us teachable. Humility doesn’t mean shrinking ourselves, denying our accomplishments, or pretending we don’t know what we know. It means carrying our gifts without needing those gifts to establish our superiority. The skilled person who believes they already know everything eventually stops growing. The humble person remains curious enough to listen, learn, admit mistakes, give others credit, and change course.
Talent may put us in the room, but Humility determines how we behave once we get there. Learning never stops, and so, when I meet a person who acts like they know it all, I feel sad and sorry for them. I tell my students all the time that even teachers are constantly learning because it is impossible to know it all and have all the answers. Humility is a great teacher, and a sign of clarity and strength. It is not self-effacing or about being weak.
10. Patience
“Patience is the support of weakness; impatience is the ruin of strength.” Charles Caleb Colton
Definition: The ability to wait, endure difficulty, or tolerate delay without becoming consumed by frustration or anger.
Why does it matter more than skills? Skills help us accomplish things; patience allows worthwhile things the time required to become possible. Not everything in life can be hurried by intelligence, ambition, talent, money, connections, or effort. Some things, like healing, trust, wisdom, relationships, mastery, and even dreams, develop according to timetables we cannot control. Patience requires an unusual kind of strength: the discipline to persevere when effort has not yet produced visible reward. Skill asks, “What can I make happen?” while Patience understands that some things cannot be forced.
Patience is a very important quality because we live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with ads to be better, richer, cuter, greater, and so on. Some people fall headlong into the fantasy and do everything legal, illegal, and even dangerous to quicken the pace or plan to achieve a goal. Anything worth fighting for demands that we exercise wisdom and patience because our timing might not produce the result we want, and I personally believe that God’s time is always the best and never late. Good comes to those who weigh their options and wait. Of course, there are times when urgency is imperative, and quick action is necessary, but with a spirit of discernment, we will learn to know the difference.
11. Self-Awareness
“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” Daniel Goleman
Definition: The ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, motives, strengths, weaknesses, behaviors, and their effect on others.
Why does it matter more than skills? We can possess extraordinary skills and still be oblivious to ourselves. Without self-awareness, intelligence can become arrogance, confidence can become dominance, ambition can become selfishness, and directness can become cruelty, all while we remain convinced that other people are the problem. Self-awareness gives us the courage to examine not only what we do, but why we do it and how it affects those around us. It also allows us to ask one of life’s most difficult and important questions: Could I be wrong?
Self-awareness can be challenging for so many of us because we encounter all sorts of things in our daily lives, and some of them can be downright awful, and we react accordingly. We have every right to be upset about injustice and unfair treatment and to name it, but don’t stay in that pot of anger. Express it, correct it, report it, be proactive about it, and move on. Sometimes situations might appear to be more visceral than we experienced, so stepping back and giving a situation a moment to settle can help us walk away not feeling dismissed, disrespected, or abused.
12. Sincerity
“Simplicity and sincerity generally go hand in hand, as both proceed from a love of truth.” Mary Wollstonecraft
Definition: The quality of being genuine, truthful, and honest in what you say, feel, and intend.
Why does it matter more than skills? Skills can be performed. Sincerity cannot, at least, not for long. We live in a world where people can become remarkably skilled at presentation: saying the right thing, projecting the right image, cultivating the right persona. Sincerity asks something harder: Do your words reflect what you actually believe, and do your actions support your words? A sincere person may not always be polished, eloquent, or impressive. But we know where we stand with them. And that creates something skill alone cannot manufacture: Trust. As the popular quote attributed to John Wooden goes, “The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.”
Hypocrisy is truly reprehensible, and when people are caught acting in ways their public persona never acts, it is often shocking, disappointing, and painful to watch. We all know people like that, and we might even have strains of it in ourselves, so being truthful about who we are is healthy because, guess what? We are all flawed, and perfection is not a requirement for being a successful person. That said, treating people fairly and honestly is an important step to building trust because once it is lost, it is difficult to build back. As they say, do you and let me do me, and let’s meet in the middle respectfully. Character is what we do when no one is looking. We all make mistakes, so when we overstep, let’s apologize, regroup, and move on. We can choose to move away from toxic encounters and people. We don’t have to be friends with everyone, so let’s stay true to who we really are while respecting others.
What do these 12 qualities teach me? Why do they matter more than skills?
When I put them all together, I see something larger than a list of admirable qualities: Integrity keeps us honest. Compassion moves us to care. Magnanimity raises us above pettiness. Peace teaches us another kind of strength. Sympathy notices. Empathy understands. Kindness acts. Gratitude remembers. Humility keeps us teachable. Patience keeps us steady. Self-awareness keeps us accountable. Sincerity keeps us true.
None of this means skills are unimportant. We should learn. Study. Practice. Develop our gifts and become excellent at whatever we have been called or have chosen to do. But we should devote at least as much energy to developing who we are as we do to developing what we can do, because while skills can get us the position, character determines what we do with it. Skills may bring achievement. Character determines whether achievement changes us. Skills can make people admire us from a distance. Character determines whether they will respect us up close.
And at the end of the day, I would rather be remembered not merely for what I knew, owned, achieved, earned, created, or accomplished, but for how I made my way through this world and how I treated people along the way. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “Character is higher than intellect.” Just five words teaching an enormous lesson. Perhaps that is what these twelve qualities ultimately represent. We don’t arrive in this world possessing perfect character any more than we arrive possessing perfect skills. Both require practice. We stumble. We learn. We examine ourselves. We apologize. We forgive. We grow. So, yes, develop your skills. Learn. Study. Practice. Become excellent at what you do. Use your gifts. Share them. Keep growing. But develop your character even more because what you can do may help you make a living, but who you become helps you make a life.
Positive Motivation Tip: What we can do may help us make a living, but who we become helps us make a life.
PHOTO CREDITS/ATTRIBUTIONS: All Photos from Adobe Free Stock and Pixabay
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Mirth and Motivation
Positive Kismet
You’ve listed 12 qualities that could be called keys to happiness. I think if all of these are taken to heart, a person would live a better life.
Indeed. WE could all find ourselves in a world that truly cares for all, and our lives would benefit in the long run…
I have to agree, these are 12 great things to look for! As a long-time Boy Scout leader, when I see a list of 12 I think of the Boy Scout Law, but this is another great list!
Yes, I was a Brownies Mom and guide. They taught kids such sound qualities to develop character. What were the Scout’s 12?
I love each and every qualities and the quotes! As a father of a 1 year old daughter, I feel all of them need to be taught while being practiced.
True, as charity begins at home. We start there as our foundation.
I really enjoyed reading this! Character traits like kindness, integrity, and resilience often leave a much bigger impact than talent alone. Such a thoughtful reminder of what truly matters.
Thank you! I need these reminders daily. WE are all works in progress.
I agree with all of these. More people need to have these qualities. Sadly, it seems many do not anymore.
I hear you. We are bombarded with messages that tell us to do/be/buy to be happy.
Integrity & compassion are my top two, as well. I think they say so much about character. When they’re lacking? I ain’t got nothin’ to say to someone. It’s just not worth it.
I hear you. We need more of it in the world today, especially where it truly matters …
Dear Elizabeth Obih-Frank,
What a well-reasoned and highly convincing post of enduring worth you have published here! Indeed, I fully concur with you that Integrity, Compassion, Magnanimity, Peace, Sympathy, Empathy, Kindness, Gratitude, Humility, Patience, Self-Awareness and Sincerity are twelve qualities worth cultivating and cherishing more so than the mere possession of skills, for the calibre of our humanity depends on how much we practise those qualities in our daily lives.
Yet, I would like to add the 13th to make it a baker’s dozen. That quality is Consilience.
The post that touches on this quality most is my post entitled 😱 We have Paleolithic Emotions; Medieval Institutions; and God-like Technology 🏰🚀“, available at
https://wp.me/pkM63-cTi
Wishing you a wonderful week and a fantastic August!
Yours sincerely,
SoundEagle🦅
So good to hear from you. It’s been years since we all joined those WordPress Challenges. I will check out your post and reciprocate. Wishing you abundant blessings for August!
Dear Elizabeth,
A few minutes ago, I submitted a long comment to praise you for the excellent work that you have done in your current post. I hope that you have received it. If you cannot find the comment, then please kindly check your WordPress spam folder to unspam and then approve it manually.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful week and a fantastic August!
Yours sincerely,
SoundEagle🦅
Yes, I just saw both comments as I wasn’t on the blog yesterday. So kind of you to check in. Thank you, and I will visit later today to read the post you recommended.
This really resonated with me because qualities like kindness, integrity, empathy, and humility say so much more about a person than accomplishments ever could. Skills can be learned over time, but it’s the way we treat others and the character we show through life’s challenges that truly leaves a lasting impression.
I agree. I see so much flexing, and those admirable qualities are in short supply.
This is a a thoughtful list and thanks for sharing – Integrity and magnanimity are really important I think! skills can impress, but those qualities determine how power and talent are actually used.
I concur. Now, if only HR could spend some time on those areas, we might all be for the better
This post really does serve as a good reminder of how easily we focus on external talent whilst ignoring what really counts. Your point about integrity and humility guiding our actions over cleverness is a beautiful perspective on real connection. True growth means working on who we are as individuals, which ultimately creates a much more meaningful life than just chasing career achievements.
True … yet, the opposite message is what we see all day long in so many professional circles… sigh
The distinction between what we can do and who we are really stayed with me. Integrity, kindness, patience, and humility may not always get the same attention as talent, but they shape how we treat people every day. I especially appreciated the reminder that character needs practice and growth too.
True. None of us are perfect, as we are all works in progress, but awareness is important, as it is the quality that reminds us to be more humane towards others.
This is so true! Skills are great, but what really matter, what make us better human beings is qualities, the way to live and make others feel.
A agree. We can achieve great things and still remember to be kind.
I love this so much! This list might as well be a book titled “how to be a wonderful human” 😀
Hahaha! I like that. WE can all be wonderful humans with some effort and practice.
I really enjoyed this! Character, kindness, integrity, and a willingness to learn can take someone so much further than talent alone. Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful reminder that who we are matters just as much as what we can do.
Thank you too. I often have these conversations with myself, and they help me face my own shortcomings… I have mine for sure.
I could not agree with this more! These are all qualities you find in really good humans.
True, and even if we don’t have all of them, making an effort is commendable too.
I really loved all of these. You can learn most skills, but some things are just inside you. This is great.
True. Some are innate, and some require effort; we can all do better with practice.
I really loved this reminder that who we are matters just as much as what we can do. Kindness, integrity, patience, and humility can tell you so much more about a person than their accomplishments ever could.
Integrity and gratitude are two qualities that are really important to me. That’s probably why I find it so difficult to tolerate dishonesty and ungratefulness. I believe how we treat others and how we acknowledge what they’ve done for us says a lot about who we are.
True… what we do to others reflects on us, and we become that too…
The distinction between what we can do and who we are really stood out to me. Skills are valuable, but qualities like integrity, kindness, humility, and compassion shape how those skills are actually used. Character really does leave the deeper impression.
True. We live in a world where skills dominate, and character is secondary… it should be balanced.
I agree with this reflection: Talent without integrity can be dangerous. In life, I always strive to be empathetic, and I also practice compassion because sometimes there’s no other way to try to understand others. Gratitude is the best of all the qualities you’ve mentioned.
Gratitude is truly key to all of the qualities because when we start there, we are encouraged to remember the rest.
So true. All these qualities are so valued and important. Skills can be taught, qualities are what live inside of us. Two I’d put on my list is Honesty and Authenticity.
I hear you, and they truly matter. Yes, the two you mention are equally important.
Such a good reminder to work on who we’re becoming just as much as what we’re achieving. We put so much emphasis on accomplishments and what people can do, but character really does tell you so much more about a person.
I agree. It’s easy to get caught up in achievement and forget character development.
I always agree with this. Skills are definitely important, but you need a good balance because skills do not make someone great on their own without character.
True. Yet we see the world facing the opposite because of that imbalance.