Evasive Action: Secrets, Lies & Humor
“Do not tell secrets to those whose faith and silence you have not already tested.” Elizabeth I
A Short Tale: Evasive Action: Secrets, Lies & Humor
“Shoot! I knew that damn Beaver wasn’t gonna amount to much…” Gail muttered as she sucked on her chewing tobacco and steadily spat scum into a paper cup.
“Can you believe that? I can’t believe that! Can you believe that? I can’t believe that!” Mayna repeated over and over again, hugging herself and rocking back and forth like a stuck record.
“Can you believe that? I can’t believe that! Can you …”
“Oh shut up! I sure can, Mayna. See, when he started playing around with them Donnelly boys, I knew trouble was a breeze waiting at the side-door to get in.” Gail said, interrupting her daughter.
“Ma, you need to stop chewing that crap. It’s frying your brain … it’s gonna kill you!” said Mayna, cringing.
“Oh stop! I shoulda arranged a shot-gun wedding when he got you pregnant and claimed the devil made him do it. The only devil I see is the one dancing in his green eyes. What the heck is going on in his head?” Gail spat out a wad of tobacco in disgust, got up and headed indoors to check on her cat – Toby. Toby was one of the lucky seven cats spared from a prank that got Beaver and his Donnelly friends, Tim and Tom, locked up. What did they do? Oh you gotta sit down for this one. But first, the backstory.
“There are no secrets that time does not reveal.” Jean Racine
Dominic Beaver was the Minister’s son. Senior Beaver, his daddy, was the sanctimonious, oxygen depleting preacher of a small nondenominational church in Treacle Town; a mining town somewhere out there in the west. Some people loved Senior and some people didn’t. But, what they all knew for sure was that they shared a unanimous disdain for his handsome, slick son – Damn Beaver. In Treacle Town, Dominic was always referred to as Beaver the Damned, Damn Beaver, or just DB for short. From an early age, he showed a clear aversion for The Word and, even though Senior Beaver beat the Lord into his behind, DB was not buying. He loved to steal, lie and when he got old enough, procrastinate. Oh but, he found time to get in or out of bed, depending on who you were talking to in town, to “funnycate…” Yeah, that’s what they called it in the old days.
DB’s two kids, Little Beaver, 8, whose real name is Bobby, and Teeny Beaver, 6.5, (Don’t roll your eyes at me, that’s her name … I didn’t name her) were the products of two trysts that should have never happened.
When DB was 14, he convinced Mayna that Angel Gabriel appeared in a dream and told him to marry her. Mayna was excited and ran home to inform her mother, Gail, that finally, she was going to get married, have a room full of kids and show her scheming deadbeat dad that she could take care of someone – her mom, Beaver and those kids she imagined having. Gail, older and wiser, told Mayna to stay away from Beaver…. “Nothing good will come of that one!” she insisted. Mayna ignored her mother’s advice and, nine months later, Little Beaver came screaming into the world disrupting the plans of a well hidden pregnancy. DB denied having anything to do with it, and Senior Beaver gave Gail and her daughter a new car to help them take the little sickly boy from one doctor’s appointment to another; it was Senior’s idea of a random act of kindness.
Not long after, DB’s roving eyes landed on Teena Smith’s chest. She was 16, with a potty mouth that would put a sailor’s wife to shame. DB started courting Teena, although if you asked, most folk would say she cursed him out and he took it because he was determined to make her his woman. Everyone in town said he was two door knobs short of stupid and she wasn’t far behind but, we won’t go there. Like them or not, they stayed together and Teeny Beaver was born at home with Teena’s parents fuming at the front door and threatening to put DB’s lights out … permanently. Again, the good Pastor made good on his promise to care for the little one and DB was off again gallivanting with the Donnelly boys and looking for new ways to make mischief in town. The Catnapping idea came to him but, it might have come to those D Boys first. Who cares … fact is they did the deed and got arrested. For what?
“The biggest guru-mantra is: never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you.” Chanakya
Why do we bother to share our secrets? Whoever said secrets don’t see sunlight never met the Donnelly Boys. DB was still on the hunt for another baby mama, when his eyes caught Missy’s at the new Ice cream shoppe. You see, Missy was not interested in becoming Single Mom #3 to DB’s plans. She blew him off and warned him to never set foot near her six family cats or on her property. DB was miffed and decided to teach her a lesson or perhaps, we can call it — to play a prank. DB and those Donnelly Boys conceived the crazy idea to kidnap Missy’s cats and hide them in Farmer Jones barn. They also decided that they had to get some food for the cats and make the barn warm for them. First, they needed some practice. They called their scheme: The Random Act Of Kat Kindness and spent Saturday evening stealing cat food from the local stores and catnapping as many of the local cats they could catch … sending each one merrily off to the barn. The cats were comfy and well fed so they weren’t complaining much.
By the time the three boys caught Missy’s six cats, on Sunday morning, while everyone was at mass, the barn was teeming with cats and folks started noticing that their cats were missing. Word went out in town that all but seven cats were missing. The hue and cry spread like wildfire and before you could hiccup, the Donnelly boys ‘fessed up to their parents that they had participated in a catnapping scheme with DB. Needless to say, they were promptly arrested and locked up. When the cops went to pick up DB, he denied being part of the scheme. He claimed the D Boys had asked him to join in but he was watching an old Winnie The Pooh movie and Pooh told him to tell the boys that he was too tired to care. The cops weren’t impressed and hauled him in as he plead the fifth and swore to magically escape with the help of Tigger. Tigger and Pooh!? How did I get to know about this significant secret? Well, I’m not telling… Last time I checked, the case is still under review: DB is under house arrest, lie monitoring, and evasive action supervision – aka under a messed up secrets watch! What should the town do to these troublemakers? How do you handle secrets and lies? What has helped you?
Positive Motivation Tip: Sooner or later, what is hidden comes to the surface. Save your secrets and skip the lies…
This post was inspired by a prompt from WP Daily Post: Evasive Action – What’s the most significant secret you’ve ever kept? Did the truth ever come out?