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Friendship: It’s In The Cards…

21/05/2012

“There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” Thomas Aquinas

Friendship: It’s In The Cards…

“I always felt that the great privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing.” Katherine Mansfield

What qualities do you value most in friends? Do you remember how you met your most trusted friend? Diahann is one of my most trusted friends, we have known each other since our college days when we worked at Saks, and we met before we met… No, this is not a typo. I repeat, we met before we actually met. Let me explain. Several years ago, some college friends invited me to a bric-a-brac/book fair somewhere in downtown Manhattan. I was glad to go because it was a warm spring Saturday and a good way to get off campus and head elsewhere.

We took the subway, got off somewhere in Greenwich Village and headed for the fair. Once there, we scanned the wares and made a beeline to tables and vendors that had things we wanted; some junk jewelry here, an old book there, even a few long silk scarves. As I paid for a beautiful silk scarf in peacock blue with splashes of white on the edges, a woman sitting at a small table with a sparkling ball caught my attention. I turned to get a better look at the sparkling ball, the woman caught my eye and beckoned at me… “Come, come get a reading!”

“When you choose your friends, don’t be short-changed by choosing personality over character.” W. Somerset Maugham

Friendship: It’s In The Cards…

“I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.” Robert Brault

I was curious, and collecting my newly purchased scarf, I walked over to her table. I was not afraid. I figured she was the fun psychic entertainment at the fair. Now, I suspect some of you might think psychics are the devils work or hogwash, but I’ve met some amazing and truly gifted ones in my lifetime. I just didn’t expect to meet one at a book fair. Anyhow, we chatted, and I believe she told me she charged a nominal fee (Between $5 – $10) for a tarot card reading. What the heck, I thought, sure, I’ll do it. I sat down, shuffled and cut the cards, picked out 5 cards for a Horseshoe spread/reading and before I could say anything else, she was off and running; naming names, dates, events, people and places she had no normal way of knowing.

I’ll call her Gail, because I felt like a gale of wind had swept in and knocked me off my feet. She was that good. Then she said, “Your trusted friend Diahann will always have your back… She is non-judgmental, fun, honest, trustworthy, kind… a good soul” “What!? What!? I said. “Who is Diahann?” “Oh, don’t you worry,” Gail assured me grinning from ear to ear, “You’ll know when you meet her. It’s in the cards!” I left Gail that afternoon with my head swimming with data and details about my life and I filed the name in my memory bank. Sure enough, a year later or so, I met Diahann and she has always watched my back. So what qualities do you value in a friendship? More below.

“Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.” Aristotle

Friendship: It’s In The Cards…

“Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.” Francesco Guicciardini

I’ve written about the subject of friendship on other posts (here’s one), and I believe we thrive when we have friends; people who share in our sadness and joy, encourage and uplift us, and don’t mince words when we step out of line… All noble acts. But some of the qualities I cherish are the ones Gail mentioned; non-judgmental, fun, honesty, trustworthy, kindness… a good soul and I’ll add, a good listener. What about you?

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What do you think? What are your thoughts? What does friendship mean to you? Do you believe in chance meetings or card predictions? What qualities do you value most in friends? How did you meet your best friend? Do share! Thank you. 🙂

This post was inspired by a prompt from WP Plinky: What qualities do you value most in friends?

*Please bear with me as I continue to catch up on your blogs and commenting… Thank you all for your patience! 🙂

Positive Motivation Tip: To build true friendships, be vigilant and a true friend to others…

PHOTO CREDITS/ATTRIBUTIONS: All Photos Torch of Friendship, Tarot cards, Friendships,  via Wikipedia and/or via Flickr.

Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Mirth and Motivation
Positive Kismet

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66 Comments leave one →
  1. 22/05/2012 12:46 am

    People always let me down. I’d love a trusted friend and at times I feel so lonely.

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:42 pm

      I’m sorry to hear that … and I know it can be a slip-slop road. I’ve had my share of good and bad friends and can empathize with you.

      Like

  2. parentsfriend permalink
    22/05/2012 12:50 am

    Also trying to catch up and not doing so well. Sigh. And I so agree there are things beyond our understanding and people who tap into knowledge stored there. Anyway, also want to encourage you to try pinterest. I am having great fun there. It is like a mini blog. Go here to see my boards. http://pinterest.com/Emotfit/

    What I want most from friends is loving honesty. I want my flaws seen, but as part and not all of me, not something to be afraid to mention, but also not something that blots out the good.

    Staying strong.

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:44 pm

      I checked out your Pinterest page and it’s awesome. 🙂 I need to make time for more stuff… need more hours. TY! 🙂

      Like

  3. 22/05/2012 1:29 am

    Over the last year or so I have developed a reputation for being socially unreliable. When my husband was home and needed my care I often had to cancel lunch with friends, or even work meetings. People understood but I think they also got annoyed.

    Even though my husband is now in care, I am still visiting him a lot and I still have my son to courier around because he can’t get his licence until his spinal brace is off, so I am still being unreliable – plus sometimes I just don’t feel like seeing someone for lunch because I feel a bit down or whatever.

    One of my closest friends said on the phone the other day, when I cancelled something, “It’s okay – we know what you’re like, Julie” and I felt gutted because of how guilty this made me feel. You see, if someone cancels something with me, I am never upset and I always understand and I would never make them feel awful.

    The best friends are those who say “It’s okay” and leave it there.

    Sorry this is so longwinded!

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:46 pm

      I agree that friends need to accommodate each other when massive changes are going on. I’m sorry that a few of yours don’t see your struggle. Have you tried explaining what you shared here with them? Sometimes, telling them helps… though it’s never easy.

      Like

      • 22/05/2012 6:52 pm

        I don’t want to hurt their feelings!

        Like

      • 22/05/2012 7:09 pm

        Goodness! You won’t hurt their feelings if you let them know how your current challenges make it difficult for you to commit to doing stuff with them. Sometimes, people don’t think about others struggles and assume they are just flaking out… Spell it out and they might surprise you with a response that goes something like… “I had no idea!” 🙂

        Like

      • 22/05/2012 7:11 pm

        Okay – good advice! I will try.
        Wish me luck!

        Like

      • 22/05/2012 7:13 pm

        Wishing you tons of luck with sprinkles added! 🙂

        Like

      • 22/05/2012 7:18 pm

        ha!

        Like

      • 22/05/2012 7:19 pm

        😆

        Like

  4. 22/05/2012 1:46 am

    Thanks for the pingback! 🙂

    Like

  5. 22/05/2012 2:51 am

    I’ve had a couple of bad let downs in the last year or so, and I’m wondering whether I expect too much from my friends. Have my back, understanding, making time no matter what, giving it to me straight, not having to fill in the blanks (or repeat things) – these are the things you’ve mentioned – I’d go along with that, but I’m wondering whether it’s too much to expect all that in the one person (even a life partner might have trouble from time to time living up to all these guardian duties). I’ll be interested to see what other people are thinking, how this conversation goes in the next day or so:)

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:48 pm

      I hear you. I think it’s not too much to expect but we must be open to accepting that not everyone will step up to that level of trust in a friendship… and that is OK too. We have all kinds of friends who fulfill different needs in our lives. I’m okay wit that too. 🙂

      Like

      • 22/05/2012 9:16 pm

        Good for you eof! For my part I think I’ve made the mistake of expecting to much. I was to write about friendship and forgiveness a while ago, but chickened out – perhaps it’s time to revisit the idea. Thanks for the push:)

        Like

      • 22/05/2012 10:39 pm

        Go for it as it’s a subject many can relate to and would have a point of view on. TY for your feedback too! 🙂

        Like

      • 22/05/2012 10:50 pm

        🙂

        Like

  6. 22/05/2012 3:03 am

    I found good friends via making music or photography –
    we visited us after discovering each other in the Internet …

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:49 pm

      Good and that is a new arena for building a different kind of friendship too. I have made several terrific friendships via social media so it’s another dimension to the conversation.

      Like

  7. 22/05/2012 3:25 am

    ELIZABETH! In less than 5 minutes you left over a dozen “likes” on my blog today! That’s a record! I appreciate how you’ve followed my blog, and I will be back to visit yours. Great post today, by the way! –John

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:53 pm

      TY John! Sadly, I am so behind on blog visits as I have so many to do that I have to catch up by liking more and commenting less until I make full headway. I’m working hard at this as I do love the interactions we all share via comments but it becomes harder with 3000 emails waiting to be read. I’ll get there soon… patience is key. TY for stopping by! 🙂

      Like

  8. 22/05/2012 4:30 am

    Friendship is a priceless gift. Once you find it, never let it go. Always make sure you nurture it with respect, love and patience. true friends are few but that very few will stick to the end. No storm or fire can scare them away. It is during your lowest moments that they will shine in your heart like stars in a dark cold night. beautiful post. Thanks.

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:54 pm

      That is so true… I found out who my true friends were in my dark times… Always good to know ad then we keep moving forward. TY!. 😉

      Like

  9. 22/05/2012 4:47 am

    Friends are so important in your life! Without them I would be very lonely and bored and miserable. I’m really glad I’ve got some great friends around 🙂

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:55 pm

      Same here and even though I don’t’ always see them, the bond is alive and well… I chat more by phone and email. 😉

      Like

  10. 22/05/2012 4:51 am

    True friends are truly special – they are more than just people you socialise with. They listen to you without judgement and are there to help you dry your tears when you need it. They are there during good times and bad. When you find one the best is to nurture them and treat them as they do you. I have always been lucky that at the different times in my life I have always had one good, true friend.

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:56 pm

      Same here Colline and I tell my kids same… All you need is that one true friend to make a shift, not a thousand. Sure, if we have more that is fine too. TY! 🙂

      Like

  11. 22/05/2012 5:10 am

    I can count the number of my true friends with the fingers of one hand. People I can count on no matter what. But even they aren’t always non judgmental! Loads of other friends that don’t qualify as ‘true 🙂

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:57 pm

      I hear you… Same here. I have good friends who are judgmental and some who are not. I mentioned Diahann because she is truly non-judgmental. 🙂

      Like

  12. 22/05/2012 5:43 am

    When i first started blogging, it was just to write i had no idea, i would be licky enough to gain online friends! This network of bloggers is one of the wonderful sources of people ive never met yet consider friends!
    Love the story of the psychic at the book fair! I’ve never had a reading but both you and my mom have had good experiences. Makes me want to give it a try!

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 6:59 pm

      Give it a go Karen! You might enjoy it too. I’ve made great connections through blogging and would love to meet many of you someday in person. You too! 🙂

      Like

  13. 22/05/2012 6:07 am

    A ‘true’ friend, to me, is a precious gift and should be treated accordingly. I would rather have a handful of really good, sincere, reliable, friends than a slue of superficial friends, and I do. I feel so blessed. 🙂

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 7:00 pm

      It is a blessing to have good, trustworthy friends… They are golden and we sure don’t need an entourage! TY! 🙂

      Like

  14. 22/05/2012 6:51 am

    Truer than true!

    Like

  15. 22/05/2012 6:52 am

    Old friends are the best!

    Like

  16. babs50nfab permalink
    22/05/2012 9:16 am

    The first time I had a tarot reading was similar. She talked about an arduous journey that would take place in a few days. I had no plans to go anywhere and thought it was all bogus. The next day I left home for good. Didn’t see it coming that fast but it did. Since then I do believe. I’ve also had some fascinating psychic readings. When they tell you things they have no way of knowing it makes the hair stand up on your neck!
    Great post!
    b

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 7:02 pm

      Oh Barb! Glad to know you’ve had similar experience… It was surprisingly accurate and I wonder where that psychic is now… Coulda helped me with some friendships. TY! 🙂

      Like

  17. 22/05/2012 10:18 am

    This makes me want to get my Tarot cards read. I’ve never done it. Hmmm. I’m going to be in NY next week. I’ll be on the lookout for someone reading tarot when I amble through Greenwich village.

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 7:03 pm

      Oh, you can find one pretty much anywhere in the city. However, I think the best ones are through referrals… but hey enjoy it as entertainment. How long will you be in the city? 🙂

      Like

  18. 22/05/2012 1:10 pm

    I’m blessed with many friends and three very, very special ones who are always there and always will be. I also value the brief exchanges that happen where we learn and teach someone for just a short time and then circumstances shift and we part.

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 7:05 pm

      Good for you to be richly blessed. Yes, some friends are for a season and others forever. I’m grateful for all of them because I learned something; even a little goes a long way. TY! 🙂

      Like

  19. 22/05/2012 1:56 pm

    I have found that what I was taught as a child is truer the older I get: If you want to have a friend, be a friend first.

    Like

    • 22/05/2012 7:06 pm

      Yes, that works most of the time and it helps us know when to back up from certain types of friends… I call them the sirens! TY! 😆

      Like

  20. 23/05/2012 2:04 am

    I love to have friends real friends, I found when I broke my back and had to leave work who my friends were. At first they rang and sent flowers but in the month I was in hospital only two work friends popped in. I was lucky my family and close friends made great efforts to see me even my sons all three live a long way from me and my husband of course. But I am rambling sorry.
    More recently I found great pain in the fact that a friend of twenty years plus through thick and thin we supported each other. Unfortunately she was not invited to my youngest sons wedding . I had no sway over the invites and rightly so it was their wedding not mine. But I was hurt when a week after the wedding I asked this friend would she like to see the photos her reply cut me like a knife to the heart. “No thank you if I am not good enough to go to the wedding I do not want to see the photos” What could I do? I explained I had no influence over the invites then changed the subject. Over this passed year she has withdrawn herself from me in the last five months I have received one letter from her I have tried ringing on numerous occasions but only spoken to her once. I have now given up if she comes back fine. What hurts most is, was her friendship so shallow I thought we were close soul mates even. Well at least it highlights my other friends who have been with me through highs and lows. ….. Granbee is right to have friends you must first be a friend, also friends are like flowers and they need tending! xx
    Sorry to have a big rant but the post hit a nerve.

    Like

    • 23/05/2012 3:11 am

      That is a painful experience willowdot21 – I feel for you.

      Like

    • 23/05/2012 8:01 pm

      TY for sharing so honestly. Friendships are beautiful but like delicate flowers; they can/do wilt. As for your twenty year friendship Willow, I’d like to make a suggestion. Please reach out to her and invite her to tea or lunch and really express your pain over the fact that she wasn’t invited to the wedding and how much you’ve always valued her friendship. Then hear her out for she is hurting over that one event. You see, her reaction is human and it is the reaction of a friend who really cares/cared about the friendship but felt cut out of an important event in your life.
      Stop for a moment and imagine yourself in her shoes… she is hurting and that conversation needs to happen with sensitivity and an expression of concern and appreciation for the friendship. Honestly Willow, to be fair, it might not have been a good idea to expect her to enjoy looking at photos from a wedding she wasn’t invited to…. think about it. Did she know your son as a little boy? Did she share in your joys and concerns about his life? Did she get invited to any other weddings in your family? Imagine that as a soul mate you had a deep bond; so to wake up and be left out of an important event felt like a betrayal to her. A twenty year friendship is like family and because she’s known you that long, she felt like family.
      Please, next time you call her, don’t change the subject. It must be addressed and resolved with compassion if this friendship is to continue… Perhaps you expected her to understand and get over it because it wasn’t your decision on the invites, but emotions and friendships are far more complex than that. She needs validation of her dedication to your twenty year friendship. She needs you to understand her pain over what happened and frankly, she needs you to listen, hear her out and commiserate without defending anything. I wish you healing light and love, and if this friendship matters, fight for it. I hope you don’t mind my honest feedback. TY for sharing…

      Like

      • 24/05/2012 1:11 am

        I am doing as you suggest right now. When I rang her the last time she ended the call by saying she would ring me. So I await her call, as always I am the one waiting, there are many things I have had to forgive in the past and I have without a word because she is or was my friend ………….

        Like

      • 24/05/2012 1:26 am

        After your last reply, I suspected there was some history of unresolved hurts somewhere… So it has been building. I’m sorry to say to either give it a rest for now or try a bold attempt of inviting her out to dine and discuss. TY for your honest exchange; it can’t be easy.

        Like

      • 24/05/2012 1:32 am

        No it has not been easy but thank you for the exchange as it feels better to see it out in the open as it were!!

        Like

      • 24/05/2012 1:34 am

        Good then! 🙂

        Like

  21. 23/05/2012 3:08 am

    Many times we let our friends down by forgetting a birthday or arriving late for an occasion, but we prove our friendship in times of trouble. This reliability can extend to those we hardly know, our neighbours maybe, or even a stranger in need. 18 months ago our dog went missing and we found that many strangers in our community were in fact ‘friends’ as they came out to help us search. Many have remained friends since. Lovely post. 🙂

    Like

    • 23/05/2012 8:08 pm

      True… sometimes events introduce us to lasting friendships with people we never expected to care. One thing I feel is important in friendship is to never take each other for granted. TY! 🙂

      Like

    • 24/05/2012 12:48 am

      Dear Eof I am afraid I have done all of the above , I have rung her on numerous occasions answered her one letter and still to no avail. I have tried until I am blue in the face she does not want to know! I have feeling too,

      Like

      • 24/05/2012 1:00 am

        That is a pity… Then let it rest for a while and revisit it again. She might need time to reflect on it… I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship but there is a lot of pain that needs to be resolved between you… Sending you both healing light, blessings, prayers and love…

        Like

  22. 23/05/2012 6:19 am

    I enjoy this post Liz. Although it has brought a small cloud of sadness over me. Old friends. Some. Are gone. Perhaps forever. Some were lovers, that felt like the closet of friends. Sharing everything. Now it seems. WE MUST NOT TALK TO ONE ANOTHER. Fear of bringing back something. I wish I was man enough to reach out. The friendship of old lovers as always puzzled me.

    Like

    • 23/05/2012 8:10 pm

      Go ahead and reach out… Sometimes it helps clear the air and end the guessing game. Plus, you can just let them know you are thinking of them… no strings, no expectations. TY! 🙂

      Like

  23. 23/05/2012 8:21 am

    I make friends easily, for which I’m thankful. I think part of my ease with friendship is recognizing strengths and not focusing on limits. We all let one another down from time to time, but in the end the care is there. I have had a lot going on in my family and have appreciated the patience with which friends have waited for me to be attentive to them. Lovely post, as always encouraging to me. Debra

    Like

    • 23/05/2012 8:15 pm

      TY Debra and you are truly blessed… I find that friendships, especially lasting friendships, take effort and reciprocity. I make friends easily but I wouldn’t call all of them close friends. Some are acquaintances and that’s fine too. My closest friends are few because I believe that operates on a different level from casual friendships. TY for your feedback! 🙂

      Like

  24. 24/05/2012 1:07 am

    Everything that you have said Elizabeth, as well as those who want you to be happy and share in your joys without jealousy no matter what is going on in their lives – these are the friendships that have endured in my life and I treasure them beyond measure

    Like

    • 24/05/2012 1:21 am

      So true! And I do cherish my friends too… TY for your insights! 🙂

      Like

  25. 25/05/2012 2:06 am

    Hi Eliz,
    first of all I want to thank you for looking at so many of my blogs. I am very grateful for this. I know you are a very busy person and it must be sometimes quite difficult to catch up with everything.
    I read with great interest through most of the comments to your blog about friendship. I think your responses are always spot on. And I liked what the bloggers had to say in response to your blog. I am not surprised that so many people had to say something on this subject. It really concerns us all, doesn’t it?
    Thank you for publishing this blog. It is very stimulating. I am sure I am going to come back to it, when I can devote a bit more time to it. I want to have a closer look at some of the links too. I am afraid I am a bit of a slow reader. I often take too much time to do the things that interest me.
    What regard to friendships, I don’t know whether it has been pointed out, that depending on whether you are single or married, friendships can change.
    When I had marriage difficulties I needed a friend badly, someone I could open up to. Luckily someone listened to me at the time.
    I think it’s rather sad when you lose a friend who’s been with you for a long time. It may take you some time to get over it, the same as when a person dies.

    Like

  26. 13/06/2012 7:45 am

    The Torch of Friendship photo is great and also your thoughts on friendship. It seems we have many people come and go in our lives, however, it’s the ones that are always there when you least expect them to be no matter how long or how distant–physical location– they are to you. Social media has opened creative ways for us to reach out to friends we have lost contact with over time. Thank you again for a great post…blessings to you. 🙂

    Like

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