Since 1969, Dr Jiggybones had spent an inordinate amount of time watching the Monty Python show. He imagined himself a key comedic character in the show, and whenever the crazy blokes who kept Monty Python running did or said something zany, Dr Jiggybones followed suit… He even loved using that daft statement Graham Chapman used in the sketch “Trouble at t’ Mill,” in which Graham said in a parody of a Yorkshire dialect, that “One o’ t’ cross beams’s gone out o’ skew on t’ treadle.” Until the day he fell and cracked his skull, Dr. Jiggybones loved sharing some of the funny lines from the show with his young patients; they laughed along with him.
Lately, Dr. Jiggybones ran around yelling, to no one in particular, “Don’t let the crossbeams get out of skew on the treadle…” Mrs Jiggybones was slowly getting her knickers in a twist trying to shut him up. She loved her hubby very much, but this was all quite embarrassing for a doctor who was once a top surgeon at Great Ormond Street Hospital in London… Yes, Dr Jiggybones was a surgeon once, until the day he fell and cracked his skull. They called it a freak accident. He had slipped on a banana skin dropped, perhaps accidentally, at the bottom of the second floor stairway. Dr Jiggybones never fully recovered and had to be eased out of his role at the hospital.
“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” Winston Churchill
Naturally, the point of this piece is not to focus on Dr Jiggybones’ fall but on how he found himself in the Spanish Inquisition as a key figure in yet another Monty Python sketch… You see, when Graham was asked to explain what he meant in the sentence above, he got quite annoyed and responded with the line, “I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition!” Apparently, this was the cue the group needed to start the next sketch. Well, after his forced retirement, Dr Jiggybones fell into his make believe role as a comedic character in the Monty Python troupe…
To make matters worse, Dr Jiggybones believed he was the one who coined the Spanish Inquisition comment. He’d wait for Mrs Jiggybones or anyone to ask him a question, and then, with a smirk on his face and both hands raised as if in religious supplication, he’d say, “I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition!” “Oh, Shut Up!” Mrs Jiggybones would retort. “You’re not the idiot who coined that line. You need your bloody head checked” Well, duh? More below 😉
“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.” James Matthew Barrie
One day, Mrs Jiggybones was enjoying a mid afternoon nap in the sun-room. She’d just finished entertaining a few friends who had stopped by to share the latest local gossip, check in on her and the old doctor, and enjoy some scones, clotted cream and sweet tea. Mrs Jiggybones whose first name is Gwyneth, loved company and she rambled on for a while as her friends, Jinny and Ann, battled her to regain the floor. They threw a sizzling line here, a naked story there and distracting Gwyneth for a bit, they’d add a story about some local tragicomedy or about another day in the life of drama queen Jemima. The ladies left in a hurry when Dr Jiggybones came downstairs and, teasingly pulling at his pants, offered to show them a few crossbeams. Gwyneth was furious and escorted him back upstairs to take his meds. Once he settled down, she returned to the sun-room and soon fell asleep.
A little while later Dr Jiggybones came trudging down the stairs and bounded into the sun-room. Leaning over the missus, he shouted in his loudest voice “don’t let the crossbeams get out of skew on the treadle!” Startled, Mrs Jiggybones jumped up, reached for the silver teapot on the table and clobbered him over the head with it. He was knocked out for a few minutes. When he came to, he had a huge hematoma on his forehead and Gwyneth was dabbing his head with an icepack. “Don’t you ever wake and scare me like that again” she admonished him… Nodding his head, Dr Jiggybones whispered, “I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition or to be clobbered!” Having learned his lesson, it was the last time Dr. Jiggybones would let the crossbeams get out of skew on the treadle. 😉 What are your thoughts? What would you do to Dr Jiggybones? Did you consider writing a story? Do share? Thank you! 🙂
This post was partly inspired by a prompt from WP Daily Post: Write a story that ends with this sentence… Having learned his lesson, it was the last time Dr. Jiggybones would let the crossbeams get out of skew on the treadle.