Skip to content

Motivation Mondays: PEOPLE PLEASING

05/11/2018
Spread the love
  • 3.1K
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

“I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying and respecting. It has taken me so many years to be okay with being different, and with being this alive, this intense.” Eve Ensler

Motivation Mondays: People Pleasing

Motivation Mondays: People Pleasing

We dread saying Yes but feel powerless to say No. Why? Because of the elephant in the room called people pleasing. Lysa Terkeurst
People-pleasers feel they must constantly be performing acts of service to others to gain acceptance. That requires a lot of work, effort, and energy. From the book: Removing Your Shame Label. Eddie Capparucci, LPC
Not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault. Mark Manson
I want to do good, and I want people to be happy, and sometimes when you’re a people pleaser, you spread yourself too thin. Tika Sumter

Are you a people pleaser? Why do you feel a need to please? I’m part of a women’s group that meets once a week, and we have been reading Lysa TerKeurst’s book, The Best Yes, for the last month or so. Last week, Chapter 13 invited the people pleasing topic and elephant into the room and we had to address it. It was time. At different points in our lives, we might exhibit that self-sabotaging behavior trait for a whole slew of reasons; wanting to please our bosses, loved ones, or even our detractors. We kowtow to others whose intentions might not be best for us but, we do so because we feel insecure or fear rejection. While some us learn to outgrow it by finding our voice, and making decisive choices for ourselves, others never learn to let it go because as Lysa put it, we confuse the disease to please with the command to love. When we take on more than we can handle and then resent others for not carrying their weight, we are suffering from the disease to please. You see, love is not about overburdening yourself with other people’s stuff. Love is setting limits so you have enough time for self care, self love and quality time with those you care about. Don’t confuse the disease to please with the command to love

How can we avoid the people pleasing trap? Lysa reminds us that we can cure the disease to please by developing a spiritual understanding of the command to love. People pleasing is a four pronged fork that snares us in and won’t let go until we learn to stand in our own shoes and speak up for ourselves. What does the 4 pronged fork consist of? The fork prongs are made up of the fundamental traps that keep us in bondage to people please even to our own detriment. We people please because we have a fear of rejection. We want to be liked/loved by everyone and so we diminish our own needs to avoid rejection. Another trap is our fear of disappointing people. When we spend huge chunks of our time pretending to be anyone but ourselves, we are avoiding facing the hard truth about others and ourselves. The fear of disappointment leads to hypocrisy and delusions about others.

People pleasers can be very manipulative because they want to be on everyone’s goodie list but the future costs will take a toll on their lives. The remaining two traps are the need for approval and the need to create/manage perceptions. When we are stuck in a cute selfie land and have a warped perception of our place in the world, it is time to face the monster and slay it. When we feel paralyzed by our need for constant approval, we must seek professional help because the people pleasing snare has gone awry and we need to rein it in, and pull our lives back from the brink.  If you are constantly complaining about doing so much while others do so little, you are a people pleaser in need of a vacation. You should do only what you can truly do without resenting others, and let others handle the rest.  Where are you on the people pleasing spectrum?

READ: The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands by Lysa TerKeurst

 

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” Albert Camus

Motivation Mondays: PEOPLE PLEASING

Motivation Mondays: PEOPLE PLEASING

Motivation Mondays: People Pleasing

Motivation Mondays: People Pleasing

I used to be a major people pleaser, but that way purgatory lies. Tracie Bennett
I’m a pleaser, but it’s not a good thing because you forget about pleasing yourself at the end of the day. Nikki Bella
Guilt condemns our sinful actions. Shame condemns us. Eddie Capparucci
If you find yourself craving approval, you are low on self-love. Stop grasping for a few scraps wherever you can. Go home and make yourself a feast. Love yourself deeply today. Vironika Tugaleva
Sometimes you aren’t listening to your body because you’re listening to everybody else’s expectations. Ann Voskamp

How do we know when it is time to slay the people pleasing monster?  As serendipity would have it, my eyes fell across a copy of Mark Manson’s book at my local bookstore, many months ago.  My initial reaction was to ask: Why did he choose such a vile title?  Why was he so desperate to get our attention? The book must be substandard … I bet he did it as a book bait for the potential reader and to get a rise out of us. I prattled on and on, until my curiosity got the best of me and I bought the book. Well, what a brilliant piece of writing! Mark delves deep into the pathology of the people pleaser by turning the behavior on its head.  He tells us that if we want to live an authentic life, we must learn the subtle art of not giving a rat’s arse about the things that hold little or no value to us. We must stop looking in the mirror and filling our heads with platitudes about how happy/sad we are and just face the hard truths about ourselves then get on with truly living. Some might say those are harsh words but, think about it? Given the option, wouldn’t you be willing to give a f%$%$k about what truly matters and skip the crap? Or would you want to keep living a lie to impress the Joneses?  The Joneses don’t care whether I have enough gas in my tank to get me to work tomorrow but, my loved ones do care.  Manson admonishes us to change what we value and how we measure failure and success.

What metrics do we measure ourselves by? Are you mean-spirited? Manson tells two riveting stories in the book that remind us of both the power of the resilient human spirit and the reality of man’s existence; stuff doesn’t make us happy.  Charles Bukowski goes from being a deadbeat, alcoholic mailman to a successful poet and author. He remains miserable.  The Buddha goes from being the coddled, protected scion of a very wealthy king to a scavenger, and homeless man who finally finds nirvana and the path of great wisdom and compassion. He remains unsullied by his wealth. Their destiny, upbringing and changing circumstance didn’t change their inherent qualities.  Neither man was a people pleaser. Each lived on his own terms and their experiences sharpened their beliefs about themselves for good and naught. Of course, there is a fine line between being a people pleaser, a manipulator, and/or just plain mean-spirited. We must search ourselves and learn the difference. When do we whip out the mean NO? The manipulative Yes? Think about it in your own life. It is a toxic pattern; especially when you are dealing with manipulative people, therefore, it is important to use wisdom and observe the behavior. What are you going to do about it? What ancient wound/pain is behind it?

To be free of the fake grin, we must learn to feel comfortable being different not indifferent. We must not care too deeply about our adversity because everyone has a share of it and, if we are flexible, it can sharpen the face of our goals. Abandoning our people pleasing ways doesn’t mean we should become lazy and daft or naive. It doesn’t mean we should become mean-spirited either. We must be willing to stare failure in the face and choose to press on or let go after weighing the merits of both sides. We must, again,  be willing to give a heck about what truly matters and skip the crap because, like it or not, people are always choosing what to give a hoot about. What I care deeply about might not be your cup of tea so, go seek your own joy. Being different is NOT indifference. Indifference is callous, different is self-awareness and the two are not related.  When you say NO and choose a path that helps you grow into your best self, you are aware of your difference. When you whip out a NO to maim another, you are indifferent and you need to pause and consider the behavior.  Manson’s book is carefully researched and, once you get beyond the title, there are true gems throughout the book that make for great aha moments, laugh-out-loud lines, and a refreshing read. Where are you on your journey to yourself?

READ: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson

 

The details for Motivation Mondays are below. Join in! The themes for SEPT 2018/OCT 2018 are:

OCT

10/01   –  01 Nigeria Independence Day, International Coffee Day
10/07   –  08 Columbus Day
10/14  –  16 World Food Day
10/21   –  21 World Mission Day, 24 UNO Day
10/28 –    28 National Chocolate Day, 31 Halloween

NOV

11/01   –  01 All Saint’s Day, 02 All Soul’s Day,
11/04   –  04 Daylight Saving Time  ends USA, 06 ElectionDay, 07 Diwali
11/11  –  11 Veterans Day, 13 World Kindness Day, 14 World Diabetes Day, 16 International Day for Tolerance
11/18   –  19 International Men’s Day, 20 Universal Children’s Day, 21 World Hello & TV Day, 22 Thanksgiving Day
11/25 –    26 Cyber Monday, 27 Giving Tuesday,  30 St Andrew

https://www.facebook.com/groups/261758343948570/

Are You Looking for Ways to Stay Creative in 2018?

 

More Below
“People pleasing does make it easier to ignore the red flags of abusive relationships at the very early stages especially with covert manipulators. We can also become conditioned to continually “please” if we’re used to walking on eggshells around our abuser.” Shahida Arabi

Motivation Mondays: PEOPLE PLEASING

Motivation Mondays: PEOPLE PLEASING

I can’t bear not to be liked, and I’ve always been a people pleaser. Neil Morrissey
I’m a people pleaser. I hold a lot of things in. I’m always making sure everybody is okay. I usually don’t rage; I usually don’t curse. Beyonce Knowles
If you can be a good example to other people, why not try to be that person? I have a bit of a people pleaser in me, but not so much so that it’s out of control. Laura Osnes
I had years of therapy to recover from this. A lot of it had to with being a people pleaser, being the ultimate good girl. I wanted everyone to like me. I didn’t really have a voice. I was afraid of growing up. Tracey Gold

Why are so many of us invested in the people pleasing pattern of behavior?  Frankly, people pleasing is insidious and toxic. We need to heal ourselves of the need to negate our existence for the delight of others.  Eddie Capparucci’s book, Removing Your Shame Label,  warns us of the perils of holding on to past pain and shame. Because we carry a label of shame deep in the recesses of our minds, we allow it to negate our lives. The label tells us we are a fraud, we are not good enough, we are not worthy, and on and on until, the only way we can counter the voices raging at us in our heads is to try and appease it by overworking ourselves in service to others. Because we feel so stuck, we persuade ourselves to believe that our various forms of escapism will help us to remove the shame label from our lives and overcome some of our harmful behaviors like: irrational thinking; the inability to emotionally connect; self-loathing; excessive worry; a hardened heart; and being stuck. If only we could drop the labels, a liberating inner shift would occur but, many of us hold on to our familiar, limiting patterns.

Why stay stuck? Sadly, some of us are terrified of relinquishing our need to please. Instead, we feel sorry for ourselves and wallow in self pity as we paste on our smiles and face the day. But that is a temporary fix; a temporary panacea for what ails us. The real cure for the condition is not avoidance but a willingness to face the fear, remove the label of shame we carry with us, and make the best of all things. When are stuck in our fears and dread to change, we look at others instead of developing compassion for ourselves. Let go of the anger, the shame, the pain, the petty hatreds, and grow. Find your footing by saying YES to your own inner joy. That sensation has zilch to do with stuff, power and possessions. What about you? Have you removed your label of shame?

READ: Removing Your Shame Label by Eddie Capparucci

 

 

Any Zen Antics stories via

Share

Positive Motivation Tip: People pleasing is insidious and toxic. Heal yourself of the need to negate your existence for the delight of others.

Motivation Mondays is open to anyone who wishes to share a motivational quote, photo, personal challenge or a post that encourages others to start the week on an upbeat note.
Basic Instructions: Each week, I will have a motivation word to help us create a response. (See listed words for the months above/below)
Email address: You may email or share your post as a comment and I will add it to the round-up of related posts. email it to: contact(@)mirthandmotivation(.)com
Category tag: – Share your post using Motivation Mondays
Twitter hashtag: – Use this on Twitter #MotvnM
Dedicated Page: There is a dedicated page for Motivation Mondays. It has the same instructions and will include other helpful tools and a link to the round-up
Facebook Page: MotivationOnMondays Join our page and add your post and/or any motivational piece you think will be helpful to others.
Facebook Community: We have a Facebook community forum to compliment the page. It serves as another way to share uplifting posts and thoughts. Please join in and add your voice.

Badge: – I created a fun badge using PicMonkey’s free photo editing tools. You can create your own, use WordPress’ integrated tool on your blog or you are welcome to use mine. (see dedicated page)
Tag: – Motivation Mondays
Hashtag: – #MotvnM

Related Posts

 


PHOTO CREDITS/ATTRIBUTIONS: All Photos: people pleasing, personal growth, selfcare  via Pixabay
,  AND/OR via  Wikipedia

Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Mirth and Motivation
Positive Kismet

 

 

 

159 Comments
  1. Hannah Swancott permalink
    05/11/2018 11:05 pm

    This is so true! I’ve only just learnt to say no, but to the right things! It’s ok to say no!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      05/11/2018 11:11 pm

      Indeed it is… 🙂

  2. maartjevansandwijk permalink
    06/11/2018 1:22 am

    Definitely something to think about. I do like pleasing people. But I’ve been trying to say ‘no’ more…

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:31 am

      WE all need to think about it.

  3. MELANIE EDJOURIAN permalink
    06/11/2018 5:06 am

    It’s not always easy for some to say no. People pleasing is something some of us need to grow out of and that only happens when we have been taken advantage of too many times.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:30 am

      I agree with you… Yep experience is a great teacher.

  4. Czjai Reyes-Ocampo permalink
    06/11/2018 5:26 am

    I’m not the kind of person who would go about pleasing others. If they don’t like me for what I am then fine. 🙂

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:26 am

      Good for you!:)

  5. Cyndi Buchanan permalink
    06/11/2018 7:25 am

    I definitely consider myself to be a people pleaser. My biggest struggle is to not own other people’s emotions.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:27 am

      Yes,that is a hard one to deal with but, recognition is the first step.

  6. Lyosha Varezhkina (@lyoshathegirl) permalink
    06/11/2018 7:32 am

    I think the desire to please people if the most destructive practice for many people. Trying to please and make people happy around is for the better but we should think about ourselves first.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:28 am

      Especially when you are dealing with manipulative people. It is important to use wisdom and observe

  7. With Love Moni permalink
    06/11/2018 9:26 am

    Being concerned about others’ feelings and always being ready to jump in and help are terrific traits in a friend and partner. But when it comes to your health, being a people pleaser can backfire.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:29 am

      Indeed…it always does at great cost to your health.

  8. Catherine Santiago Jose permalink
    06/11/2018 3:21 pm

    I definitely agree with all of these. I was a people pleaser before I always say YES for everything even sometimes I know for myself that I can’t do it but I am glad that my husband teach me how to say NO on other things.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:29 am

      Good for you. I’m glad you feel stronger now

  9. worldlytreat permalink
    06/11/2018 3:46 pm

    It took me a while to learn to say no. Saying no doesn’t mean one is rude or selfish, it’s knowing the value of oneself and beliefs.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:28 am

      Well said…we need to be reflective

  10. Diana Tidswell permalink
    06/11/2018 4:30 pm

    I am a kind of person before who always says YES to everyone but now I’ve learned to say NO and it is not a bad thing.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:26 am

      It is a good habit to learn when it is needed.

  11. Christa Anne permalink
    06/11/2018 5:18 pm

    Another wonderful, thought provoking post. I’m not a people pleaser in all of my relationships, but the ones in which I am, I really, fully am. Adding The Best Yes to my to-read list.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:25 am

      Go ahead and enjoy the book.

  12. Marysa permalink
    06/11/2018 6:41 pm

    We definitely have to take care of ourselves as parents – it’s not just us, it’s taking care of our families. We can’t make everyone happy all the time and we can’t sacrifice ourselves.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:24 am

      All moms, all parents need to learn self-care. We are at our best when we are feeling our best.

  13. Gervin Khan permalink
    06/11/2018 7:01 pm

    When I was a teenager I am always a people pleaser. I please people by always saying YES even my heart sometimes say it NO. I am young that time and I am so afraid that if I say NO to my friends they will no longer like me and I am glad to my parents they thought me that saying is NO is not a bad thing to do it is not an act of making an arguments to other people but it is an act of disagreeing in those bad things that they wanted you to do for them.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:23 am

      Saying No to things that are harmful or that we know we don’t have time for is important. Our Yes must be valued.

  14. amayszingblogs permalink
    06/11/2018 8:48 pm

    Sometimes is okay to say “No” and avoiding things in a good way! Lovely post!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:22 am

      Thank you!

  15. Rose A (@mail4rosey) permalink
    06/11/2018 9:23 pm

    I love that you were almost trying to talk yourself out of buying the book that was calling to you to begin with. And of course, it turned out to be awesome. I used to be a people pleaser, for many, many years. I still am to some small extent, but not to the point where it harms me.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:22 am

      I’m glad to hear that. We can still be loving and giving but not to our own detriment.

  16. Eileen Mendoza Loya permalink
    06/11/2018 9:26 pm

    I hate to admit but I am a people pleaser. My reason is because I hate seeing people become sad when I say no. However, after a few days, I feel that I am the one who is hurt. Learning to say no is not all that bad, and I have to put that into practice.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:21 am

      WE can be helpful to others and serve others but we need to take care of ourselves too.

  17. Geraline Batarra permalink
    06/11/2018 10:31 pm

    When I turned 30’s I finally learn to say NO and I totally understand that saying no is not a crime it’s a choice.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:20 am

      Well said.It is not a crime.

  18. Aiai Damigo permalink
    06/11/2018 10:43 pm

    this is so right! Well sometimes i am a pleaser but not to everybody, only to the person i am at eased.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:19 am

      yep, important for our own health too

  19. Preet permalink
    07/11/2018 3:34 am

    We all need to learn to say “NO”, sometime this will let us know how to do the right thing instead of saying :YES: to everything.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:20 am

      I agree… we need to understand its value

  20. Anshula permalink
    07/11/2018 5:11 am

    I used to be such a people pleaser (when I was much younger) but after I started a daily self-care morning routine, I learned to just be myself. I love the tip on “love is setting limits so you have enough time for self care, self love and quality time with those you care about.”

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:19 am

      Yes,it is important to self-care

  21. In and Out of Vegas permalink
    07/11/2018 5:50 am

    I think we all seek acceptance from other people at one point in our life. It’s a form of self validation. But really when you begin to love yourself fully, you won’t care what others think. The no comes easier.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:18 am

      It should but, there is a fine line. No for good reason, yes. No for meanspiritedness, not the same.

  22. GiGi Eats Celebrities permalink
    07/11/2018 6:03 am

    I know so many people who are people pleasers. I used to HARD CORE be one but then I realized that it totally sucks you dry and you really cannot please anyone in entirety except for yourself. I tried to always please my husband when we first started dating but I remember having a conversation months later and he was like, I am the only one who can make me happy. And this comment couldn’t be MORE TRUE!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:16 am

      So TRUE!!!

  23. Taryn permalink
    07/11/2018 7:51 am

    People pleasing can be so harmful to self. Since birth, society teaches us and we spend so much time trying to fit in, we have to spend an equal amount of time to undo societal messages and dare to be our authentic selves. Great message.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:16 am

      I agree…it creates resentful,insincere folks. Best to stay true.

  24. Non Stop Family permalink
    07/11/2018 8:19 am

    Talking about the “no” importance, has a dad, i also think it’s so important so teach our sons that they have to learn to say no, and to deal in a positive whay when people say no to them. No can be a hard but, it’s such an important word for us, just have to use it in the best whay. I love your words…

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:15 am

      Yes, we all need to learn about that fine line

  25. Allie Ballie permalink
    07/11/2018 8:46 am

    I really love this post and all the advice in it, I know for sure I need to take some of it for myself !

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      07/11/2018 9:14 am

      Thank you!

  26. Healy Eats Real permalink
    07/11/2018 10:11 am

    I used to be a people pleaser and it was tough! I’m grateful that I’ve done some work on myself and have gotten much better about it, but it can be tough to strike a balance between being helpful to friends and family and advocating for yourself.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:16 am

      I get you on this. Great point.

  27. dalleynedvm permalink
    07/11/2018 11:14 am

    It is hard to be around people pleasers because they seem so untrustworthy. I rather see people as there true colors so I can understand their strengths and weaknesses

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:16 am

      Very insightful point there… true.

  28. laveremis permalink
    07/11/2018 11:56 am

    Comfortable with being different, not indifferent… You hit the nail on the head right there! That is such a powerful statement and great advice. I vacillate between being too people-pleasing and taking the appropriate steps toward self care. I think the older I get, the wiser I become in this avenue.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:16 am

      Age sure helps… 🙂

  29. moderatemum permalink
    07/11/2018 12:04 pm

    I never thought of myself as a people pleaser because I don’t go out of my way to please others but I do often deny my own truth to avoid conflict or being judged – food for thought,

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:15 am

      Food for thought for us all.

  30. The JOYOUS Living (@thejoyousliving) permalink
    07/11/2018 12:13 pm

    Great post. I love the imagery of a four pronged fork.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:15 am

      Yeah, that came to me as I was writing this..felt right

  31. miljance93mommysup permalink
    07/11/2018 12:35 pm

    Teenagers often try to be something far from the ordinary. They are not aware of how their own ordinary could become blissful unordinary. And parents oversee it. Your writings keep me stay sane many times!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:14 am

      Thank you for your pov!

  32. Whitney Kutch permalink
    07/11/2018 2:30 pm

    I struggle with being a people pleaser sometimes and get burned out so quickly! It’s important to keep everything in perspective.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:14 am

      So,so TRUE!

  33. presiiicom permalink
    07/11/2018 4:36 pm

    I don’t know if I am a people pleaser. Sometimes I just want to help people and don’t really know how to say no and it can be bad sometimes that I put to much effort into someone’s issues than having time to fix my own.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:49 am

      It’s fine to help and support others, we just have to know the fine line…

  34. AnongWebsite - Love. Faith. Hope. permalink
    07/11/2018 5:26 pm

    Its ok to say no sometimes especially if you don’t really like it. Be true to yourself and they will be true to you no matter what the consequence it. Great article!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:48 am

      Others might not be true to you but honor yourself.

  35. Lisa permalink
    07/11/2018 6:26 pm

    The word no is so hard to say to others. Well except my kiddos lol!!!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:38 am

      We all are working on it. Kids.. yes!!

  36. Heather Barber McMechan permalink
    07/11/2018 6:40 pm

    I have to agree with you on the whole different and indifferent thing. If more people focused on what makes they special instead of what is expected of them, then they’d be a lot happier.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:27 am

      Great point Heather. I’m with you on this one.

  37. Karen Monica permalink
    07/11/2018 7:37 pm

    I am learning to say No to things I know I couldn’t and can’t. I used to be a ‘people pleaser’ Was so afraid to say no because I might hurt another. But I am learning to put myself first.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:26 am

      It is important to have balance for sure..

  38. rhian westbury permalink
    07/11/2018 9:28 pm

    I am a people pleaser and I do prefer to keep others happy. I think you have to think about yourself as well though x

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:24 am

      Yes,you must please yourself too…

  39. Akamatra permalink
    07/11/2018 10:01 pm

    People pleasing starts from our need to be accepted. Usually it’s more evident to people who were rejected (one way or another) from their mom and dad. It tool me a lot of years to stop being one.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:24 am

      I’m glad you have pushed past it…

  40. URMILA DEVEN permalink
    07/11/2018 10:10 pm

    so true, being different gives hard life, but its ok, lovely post even thoughtful…thanks for sharing with me

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:23 am

      You are welcome!

  41. Surekha Busa permalink
    08/11/2018 3:02 am

    I always waiting from this blog to post something to feed our mind and heart. Love this kind of post where we know that it can give us a positive wisdom about life.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:10 am

      You are too kind. I appreciate your blog too.

  42. Clare Minall permalink
    08/11/2018 3:06 am

    we always want to please someone and not get on to their bad side, but we need to do it in a right way. Sometimes being too kind can be a disadvantage to someone learning how to say “no” does not mean that you’re being inconsiderate, it just means that you are learning how to take things in a right way.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:11 am

      The right yes and no make a difference.

  43. Helen Neale permalink
    08/11/2018 3:20 am

    Know when to say “NO” and know when to stop saying “YES” we always have a choice

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:11 am

      All the time! 🙂

  44. cleverlychanging permalink
    08/11/2018 4:20 am

    The first quote in your post, “I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying and respecting,” cause me to think about marriage. There is a fine line between the three loving, obeying, and respecting especially within matrimony.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:11 am

      So true… those lines are blurred for some folks.

  45. Megan permalink
    08/11/2018 4:39 am

    I love this post –– sometimes I can be too much of a people pleaser but doing my best to stand up for *me* first these days.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:12 am

      It’s is healthy to take care of our needs.

  46. Chad permalink
    08/11/2018 6:55 am

    Yet another great post! Thank you so much!!! Saying No when i needed to say no was a huge learning for me.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:12 am

      Good for you! 🙂

  47. Danielle permalink
    08/11/2018 7:44 am

    I wish that I could avoid trying to please people but I really can’t. It’s so hard.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:13 am

      Time will help you and effort too.

  48. Ruth permalink
    08/11/2018 10:35 am

    I agree with all of this! I feel like I have been a people pleaser all of my life but a lot of the time it isn’t always nice. People do tend to take advantage.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:13 am

      True… all the time 🙂

  49. Emily Michelle Fata permalink
    08/11/2018 12:00 pm

    I used to focus so much of my energy on people pleasing, but it never fulfilled me. In fact, it just drained me. I’ve thankfully adjusted my mentality over the years — there has to be a balance.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:14 am

      It is never satisfying… builds resentment.

  50. Kristine Nicole Alessandra permalink
    08/11/2018 12:13 pm

    Thanks for this eye opening post. I am a people pleaser and sometimes I regret being one. It seems I have lost my real self in the process of trying to be “acceptable” in the eyes of others.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:15 am

      We all have some elements of it. Helps to reassess why.

  51. Bree permalink
    08/11/2018 12:55 pm

    It is really hard for me to say no. It all started in grade school when someone asked to borrow a pencil for a test and I said yes. That was my only pencil, so I couldn’t do my own test. I still can’t say no as much as I should.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:15 am

      WoW! That is quite the story.Explore it in your writing and get to the bottom of it.

  52. mamawritesreviews permalink
    08/11/2018 3:00 pm

    YES! I soooo needed this right now. I don’t like telling people no or I can’t do something, but I really need to sometimes.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:16 am

      Hahaha You crack me up. 🙂

  53. Vanessa Delia permalink
    08/11/2018 7:22 pm

    I have struggled my whole life with being a people pleaser. It is a very hard trait to overcome. Thank you for sharing some wonderful information.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:17 am

      You are not alone… <3

  54. Wendy Polisi permalink
    08/11/2018 7:24 pm

    I love the pictures at the top. It made me smile seeing the enjoyment of fellowship. Thank you for sharing on such a tough subject.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:20 am

      Always a pleasure to see you here. Fellowship is great.

  55. Britney permalink
    08/11/2018 7:50 pm

    I haven’t been to your website in forever and I love these photos! I miss your motivation

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:21 am

      You are always welcome back dear one!

  56. Joseph Abimbola permalink
    09/11/2018 1:59 am

    I sincerely love these lines – People pleasers can be very manipulative because they want to be on everyone’s goodie list but the future costs will take a toll on their lives. Thanks for sharing.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:21 am

      Thai is the dark side of the behavior… Yep Joseph! 🙂

  57. Bindu Thomas permalink
    09/11/2018 3:38 am

    This is so right. I’m a kind of person who not like to pleasing others often. Sometimes, everyone need to.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:22 am

      It is good to be kind…. just know the difference.

  58. Corina permalink
    09/11/2018 3:51 am

    I love to pleased people and its not easy to say ‘no’. your post is always great. LOve to read your posts.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:22 am

      Thank you Corina! Welcome back…

  59. brandyyates permalink
    09/11/2018 4:24 am

    I can admit that I unknowingly had started trying to become a people pleaser. Always lose yourself in the end when you start to do this as a normal routine.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:09 am

      Yes, it is a tricky one too..

  60. mitra permalink
    09/11/2018 5:07 am

    Thanks, you I love your post, I like your advice
    And I like this word too..”“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:08 am

      It’s an important observation by one of my favorite writers.

  61. Alexis permalink
    09/11/2018 5:37 am

    People pleasing is a tough habit to break but an important one for our mental health. Thank you for sharing this encouragement.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 8:08 am

      True…health is important

  62. Tasha at Lady Boss Studio permalink
    09/11/2018 8:31 am

    Thanks for sharing! I would say I am a people pleaser but am getting much better at saying no.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:14 am

      To varying degrees, we all are.

  63. Queen Tourmaline permalink
    09/11/2018 8:49 am

    I love content like this. I’m so happy to see so many people raising the vibrations on Earth.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:13 am

      Amen to that! 🙂

  64. 09/11/2018 10:40 am

    You wrote an excellent post about people pleasing, Eliz!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      09/11/2018 11:13 am

      Thank you dear Tracy! Always good to see you here.:)

  65. Gladys Parker permalink
    09/11/2018 3:08 pm

    I gave up trying to please people about 10 years ago. All I seemed to get was slapped in the face figuratively when I did. Now I just try to please myself and those who actually appreciate it.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:15 am

      We live long enough, we learn that all that glitters is not gold… and that includes people too, unfortunately. 🙂

  66. It's Danica permalink
    09/11/2018 3:39 pm

    I was 26 years old when I learned the most powerful and freeing word in the English dictionary is NO!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:14 am

      Ha! I am glad you did.:)

  67. Bree permalink
    09/11/2018 3:55 pm

    I agree about being “different but not indifferent” you really need to be yourself but still care!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:13 am

      That is true and wisdom demands it.

  68. Daphne permalink
    09/11/2018 5:00 pm

    It has taken me 35 years to learn to stop being a people pleaser but I and so glad I did.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:13 am

      I’m glad you did.:)

  69. American Travel Geek (@AmerTravelGeek) permalink
    09/11/2018 5:11 pm

    I definitely struggle with this. It’s in our natural instincts to want to be accepted by others and the way our brain wants to do that is by trying to get others to accept us.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:12 am

      Yes, it is a common disease…

  70. Nate L. permalink
    09/11/2018 7:50 pm

    This is awesome. I needed to hear this today. Thank you again for post this!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:12 am

      I’m glad you did. TY!

  71. Kisha permalink
    09/11/2018 8:55 pm

    Being a middle child we are typically known as the peace makers, and with that came my propensity to be a people pleaser (to an extent). The older I get though, I’m learning to please myself first and not worry so much about saying no, upsetting or disappointing people and things like that. It’s a scary but good place to be in now.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:11 am

      Very interesting observation… I am a middle child too. 🙂

  72. Rachael Eberhardt permalink
    09/11/2018 9:34 pm

    I am not a people pleaser because I have an attitude that if the person doesn’t like it’s okay with me and it does’t affect my whole being.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:11 am

      Good for you!

  73. Andrew Koscielecky permalink
    09/11/2018 11:34 pm

    I totally agree! Is not easy to say no, especially to the right things!

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:10 am

      Hahahah and some not so good ones.

  74. Gervin Khan permalink
    10/11/2018 12:18 am

    This is sad but really a reality that’s happening today. And there’s a saying that “we cannot please everybody just do what is right all the time”.

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:10 am

      Very sad indeed and so true…

  75. Chloé Hamard permalink
    10/11/2018 12:43 am

    I used to be a people pleaser but I’ve been learning how to say no and just put myself first in some situations

    • Eliz@MirthandMotivation permalink*
      10/11/2018 1:09 am

      It is a healthy approach

  76. Brittnie Nicole Anderson permalink
    10/11/2018 7:08 am

    I love the quote at the top of your post. It makes such a difference when you learn to say “no”. It may be my favorite word now lol. I love being free of my fake grin!

  77. Mommy Sigrid permalink
    11/11/2018 10:19 pm

    Awesome ideas. Honestly, except for my parents, I never did like pleasing other people. gives me more freedom to make my own choices.

  78. Gladys Parker permalink
    11/11/2018 11:37 pm

    I used to be a people pleaser–I am still one on occasion. I think it finally got kicked out of me at my last full time job! I won’t go into the specifics but as I finally walked out of that job I swore I would never try to make everyone happy again–all it ever got me was kicked in the butt!!

  79. Adriana permalink
    12/11/2018 6:25 am

    This was a lovely read. I think that its so important that we refrain from doing things to please other people and focus on what makes us happy. Sometimes we need to question, why are we really being people pleasers? Definitely sharing this post.

  80. Words of a Texas Nerd permalink
    12/11/2018 10:39 am

    This is something I had a hard time with over the past 10 years. I was trying to please everyone and ended up always angering at least one. I had to take a step back and realize what and why I was doing it all. I also had to learn to say no. Which…. I’m still bad about.

  81. Blair villanueva permalink
    12/11/2018 3:59 pm

    We Asians are naturally born as people-pleaser. When you meet one during travel it is hard to resist.

  82. Fatima D Torres permalink
    12/11/2018 5:52 pm

    I think it’s easier to just think about how pleasing others is impacting you. There was a time I would bend over backwards for others, but I began to realize something about the people who I did this for. They all had something in common — they didn’t care about my needs or my well-being. It was all about them.

  83. Lex permalink
    13/11/2018 11:26 am

    Good enough to know that the world can’t like or love you all through as alot happens and we can only be who we are. Please yourself first before anyone. Life is good so we should be good.

Trackbacks

  1. Motivation Mondays: HONOR | Mirth and Motivation

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: