Pink Flamingos: A Preposterous Story
“And life arose in our paths; for the tall flamingo hitherto unseen, with all gay glowing birds, flaunted his scarlet plumage before us. The golden and silver fish haunted the river…” Edgar Allan Poe
Pink Flamingos: A Preposterous Story – on the plastic kind
First designed in 1957, the fake birds are natives not of Florida but of Leominster, Massachusetts, which bills itself as the Plastics Capital of the World. At a nearby art school, sculptor Don Featherstone was hired by the plastics company Union Products, where his second assignment was to sculpt a pink flamingo. No live models presented themselves, so he unearthed a National Geographic photo spread. It took about two weeks to model both halves of the bird, brought into the third dimension by then-revolutionary injection-mold technology. Read more: Smithsonian:Tacky History of the Pink Flamingo
Hello, my name is Flavia and I don’t like scary movies, Halloween ghouls and ghosts, slimy bugs and brash people. Above all, I detest Pink Flamingos. Not the real, exotic bird kind but, the stiff, neon pink plastic , stuck-on-many-a-Florida-lawn kind. I have a major phobia against pink, plastic flamingos. Uh huh, you might add and then ask me why I don’t like them. Right. Let’s blame it all on Aunt Pinky; my Mother’s eccentric, Florida based younger sister. Yes, there are people named Pinky and she was very much in love with her name. Aunt P or AP as we all called her, dressed in pink, decorated her pink house in pink furniture and drove the ubiquitous pink Cadillac that every successful Mary Kay sales agent gets for flogging her wares at every skirt and fresh female face in town. AP had long retired from the fray and settled into a retirement community in Florida. To top off her already pink saturated world, AP scattered an army of pink plastic flamingos all over her lawn. She had them in every imaginable size, and, if l recall, she had a few larger than life-sized flamingos custom-made to fit the quirky corners of her property.
AP’s sea of pink, plastic lawn decorations were a garish setup that almost pushed me over the edge when, 15 summers ago, my poor parents shipped me off to her home for a month of sun and shopping. AP met me at Orlando International dressed in an Aloha dress and sporting neon pink hair that glowed like a cheap, NY corner store neon sign, shouting “OPEN” at nighttime.
“Look at you Flavia, you’re all grown up since I last saw you 5 years ago!” AP said, as we hugged and exchanged air kisses.
“It was 10 years AP, but I’m thrilled to be here!” I lied, with forced enthusiasm. I wasn’t thrilled to be there. I had to come because my parents hated my new HS friends and wanted me to be miles away from them that summer.
“Those lowlife louts, sit around sniffing for trouble!” Mom would say and I agreed. They drank, sniffed and talked teen shit but, they were my friends and well … here I was in Florida. We got into AP’s Cadillac and the drive back to her home was silent and uneventful. As we approached AP’s home, the bevy of pink, plastic flamingos all over her lawn welcomed and shocked me. Even though, I’d seen photos of them over the years, in real life, they were a dominant presence on her lawn. They were everywhere and in all sizes. Some even had a menacing look about them but, I figured they were plastic and what could they do anyway. She pulled into the driveway, we got out, and I grabbed my small suitcase and headed indoors.
The nightmare began that night. As I settled into bed, ready to kiss the world goodnight, I sensed a pair of eyes staring at me. I turned my head and my eyes shifted to the bedroom window. A pair of stealthy eyes stared back at me. It was one of the lawn flamingos. In shock, I jumped out of bed, ran to the partially opened window to close it and a startling scene unfolded before me. On the front lawn, the battalion of plastic flamingos had glowing light bulbs on their heads, and their tiny eyes were now shiny little red dots that seemed to dart here and there in the dark.
“You must be kidding me, AP!” I muttered to myself as I closed the window and drew the blinds shut with such force that they came crashing off their frame. The noise brought Aunt Pinky rushing into my room.
“What’s going on? For a moment, I thought the flamingos had crashed in and attacked you!” she said, rather loudly.
“Attacked me? How on earth could a bunch of tacky, plastic birds attack me? I asked, barely hiding my disgust.
“Well, Flavia … they talk to me all the time. And they warned me to not bring you here.” AP said, in a matter of fact tone.
“They talk to you Aunt Pinky? Are you alright!” I asked, wondering if years of bleaching her hair neon pink had seeped poisons into her brain.
“Calm down Flavia. Sit down and listen to me.” AP replied, and nudged me to the armchair across the room.
“When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls.” Jarod Kintz, Whenever You’re Gone, I’m Here For You
Pink Flamingos: A Preposterous Story – on the plastic kind
Why do Pink Flamingos stand on one leg? To conserve heat, stay half awake for prey, and because it is comfy to them. Did you know that Jon Waters movie – Pink Flamingos – reignited interest in the plastic variety? In 1972, Waters released the film Pink Flamingos, which was called both an abomination and an instant classic. Read more: Smithsonian:Tacky History of the Pink Flamingo
I sat in the armchair and AP, sitting on the edge of the bed, told me her story.
“When I met and married Calvin in NY, back in ’65, he wanted me to move to Florida to help run his family’s novelty store. My parents and your mom were against the idea. Calvin was controlling and they felt they won’t see me much. They were right. He persisted, we moved, and he cut everyone close to me out of our lives. We started buying and selling novelty and home decor items and the business took off. That was how we got our first plastic Pink Flamingo. Over time, we collected even more and I decided to have some large ones made. Calvin didn’t care about my growing collection of pink lawn friends because he felt they kept me home and busy. He used to hang out with his drinking buddies, after work, and come home drunk as a kite and threaten to kill me. He never did but, over time, the birds started talking to me. At first, I thought it was my imagination but, their voices grew louder and they gave me tips and advice on everything; including telling me to go into cosmetics sales. “You’d be good at it!” they said, in their raspy little voices. I must admit, they were insistent and so, one day, I told Calvin I wanted to do beauty product sales. Initially, he didn’t like the idea but relented when I told him, I’d be home and make a ton of money. He agreed and I did make a ton of money. The plastic birds were right.”
“But … AP, didn’t you think that maybe you were hearing things and needed a shrink?” I asked, in a soft voice.
“No, they weren’t interfering in my life and they only talked when he wasn’t home. But things changed when he sold the business and started hanging around the house.” She said, with a chuckle.
“How did things change?” I asked, not knowing what to expect.
“Well… they started telling me that they wanted Calvin gone or they would kill him. “He’s a pain and always whining at you…,” a few of the big birds told me. I assured them he was harmless.”
AP paused, wiped a tear with the back of her hand, and coughed. I stood up to comfort her but she waved me back to me my seat and continued her story.
“One day, I went food shopping and when I came home, there were Cop cars everywhere and yellow tape across our lawn. There were plastic birds scattered across the lawn as if a huge fight had taken place. As I approached the driveway, a police officer pulled me over and, confirming I was the home owner, asked me to exit the car. I got out and a female officer joined him. They proceeded to tell me that Calvin was dead on the lawn with three pink flamingo stems embedded in his chest. “What happened! What happened to my poor Calvin!” I screamed, collapsing to the ground, crying hysterically.
“What really happened Aunt Pinky?” I asked, as the story my parents told me, years back, made no sense whatsoever.
“Well, hear me out Flavia! I am still unclear about what truly happened that evening. The female officer told me an incredulous story…” AP reiterated, in an unusually calm voice.
Pink Flamingos: A Preposterous Story – on the plastic kind
The female officer told AP this incredulous story:
“Ma am, we got a call at 1800 hours informing us of an altercation going on in your yard. The caller said a man was fighting a bunch of pink flamingos. Thinking it was a crank call, we hung up on the fool. Several minutes later, we got more credible callers telling us about the screaming and shouting going on in your yard. We proceeded to head over to the home to apprehend and arrest the perpetrators. When we arrived, we found your husband dead on the lawn. We have made no arrests, Ma am. We would like to apprehend all/any suspects. We, however, cannot arrest a bunch of plastic flamingos and charge them with first degree murder. It sure looks like a homicide but, we don’t have a suspect at hand. Did your husband have any enemies? Where were you at 18:25 hours?” … ”
At that point, it was too much for me and I passed out, Flavia.” She said, shaking her head.
“So did they catch the perpetrator?” I asked AP, even though, as my Mom had told the story at home, Calvin’s murderer(s) was/were never caught.
“No, they never arrested anyone and the birds were put back in place … I tried to move on with my life. As time went by, they started talking again and have been good companions until now. They want me to send you back home and I’ve explained that you are family. They are not convinced but I don’t think they will hurt you.” AP assured me.
MORE BELOW!
“Overhead, above the black music of telegraph wires, a number of long, dark-violet clouds lined with flamingo pink hung motionless in a fan-shaped arrangement; the whole thing was like some prodigious ovation in terms of color and form!” Vladimir Nabokov
Pink Flamingos: A Preposterous Story – on the plastic kind
The pink flamingo has been a cornerstone of kitschy American lawn decor since its creation in 1957. Donald Featherstone, famous for creating the plastic pink flamingo, a cornerstone of kitschy American lawn decor, died Monday. Time Magazine: Donald Featherstone, Creator of Plastic Pink Flamingos
From that moment, I saw those tacky plastic perpetrators through new eyes and developed a bit of a phobia for them … No, I lied. I developed a HUGE phobia for them. I couldn’t look at them, touch them or be near them, and I stayed indoors for the first week. By the second week, I developed cabin fever and AP took me to the local pool to swim and hang out. I loved my time there and decided to go on my own the next morning. The next day, I gingerly opened the front door, looked around at the pink birds and stepped out and closed the door. Nothing happened. I was pleased. All was well with the world as I walked down the pathway. Everything seemed perfectly normal; it was a sunny day, not too hot, and a couple of AP’s neighbors were out tending their yards. Halfway down the pathway, I heard a distinct raspy voice say: “We warned her. Watch your back!” I turned my head quickly and everything was still. I quickened my pace and as I turned the corner and looked back, I saw the pink flamingos swaying their hips from side to side, and bopping their small heads up and down, as they sang: “We warned her. Watch your back! Ole!”
I took off running and didn’t stop till I got to the pool. I called AP to let her know what happened and stayed at the pool all day. In the evening, AP came and picked me up and we sat at her kitchen table discussing what to do next. Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the kitchen door. We looked at each other and then AP got up to open the door.
“What’s going on AP?” I asked, a tad scared.
“Oh, Flavia … it’s okay. It’s Floyd at the door.” She replied. I looked over her shoulder, and there … standing in her frigging doorway, was one of her largest custom-made pink flamingos. “Floyd” was standing at the door!
“That’s … that’s Floyd!? I stammered in shock. “He’s a plastic bird!” I shouted.
“Calm down Flavia, I’ll take care of it.” AP said as she stepped out into the backyard to “chat” with Floyd.
“Why Floyd?” I asked myself for no reason. I was confused, shocked and scared.
“Why freaking Floyd!? Pink Floyd? Oh I get it. Ugh!”
Soon AP came back indoors and in a steady, somber voice said, “You have to leave tomorrow or they will kill you! I’ll call Mom and tell her something came up and I want this to be our secret. Okay?”
“But why, AP? How did you enter this bizarre, pink flecked nightmare!” I screamed at her.
“You have to leave tomorrow or they will kill you!” AP said, firmly. I agreed. I no longer cared to make sense of her story. I wanted out of there. Early next day, AP took me back to the airport, paid a fee to change my return ticket and sent me home to my parents. I never told them the story because it was … how do we say it … a preposterous story! Do you have pink, plastic flamingos in your yard? Do they talk back? I’m over the phobia part but hey, you never know. RIP Donald Featherstone!
More on Flamingos? See The Smithsonian Topic List
This post was inspired by a prompt from WP Daily Post: Daily Post: Phobia, Shmobia : Fears evolve over time. What is one fear you’ve conquered?
Positive Motivation Tip: Where does reality separate from fantasy? Our phobias might have a home there. Play with them and let them go.
PHOTO CREDITS/ATTRIBUTIONS: All Photos Pink plastic Flamingo, Zoo Flamingos, James’s Flamingos at Laguna Colorada in Bolivia, Lake Nakuru Flamingos, via Wikipedia, and/or my personal collections.
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Mirth and Motivation
Positive Kismet
Flamingos are so beautiful!I saw them at local animal park. Feel so peaceful just by looking at them
Flamingos fascinate me. I actually just told my husband that I wanted to get a couple for our front lawn…the plastic kind of course 😉
I have always thought that pink flamingos was a very beautiful bird.
Wow, it will be hard to look at pink flamingos now without recalling this story. They actually seem quite rare nowadays!
I used to see the fake pink flamingos all over Florida when I’d go visit my dad. I assumed they were first started there so I learned something new today. I love all of the photos, I take a lot of flamingo shots when I go to the zoo. They are beautiful birds.
Scary….
This story tickled me pink! Seriously though I love your stories and how you weave them! I had no idea where the flamingo – the plastic sort – originated and now I do!
We don’t have any ourselves, but there is a local company you can hire to put dozens of them in a neighbor’s lawn as a prank!
I most definitely do not have pink flamingo – plastic or real – on my front lawn! The only time I have ever seen this wonderful, gorgeous creatures was in a zoo. I haven’t given thought to them in ages – thank you for the memory and the tale! 🙂
What a macabre story which I did not expect out of title like Pink Flamingos! Anyway, I would rather remember the real pink flamingos — one of the most beautiful birds I have ever seen. – Fred
We just saw some flamingos at Brookfield zoo last week! great story!
What a story! I never liked plastic flamingos before, but now I’m a little frightened of them lol
I love this flamingo story! Stories like this always make me grateful for my husband.
I have never been much on those things. Love your story.
Ha! You may have created more than one phobia today! Loved your story.
I love those pink birds. Our zoo has some of these and I love looking at them.
Adorable story. I thoroughly enjoyed it. 🙂
I know this is totally unrelated to your blog post, but your pictures brought back a very sweet memory of my mom and I on a trip to visit my aunt (who is now very sick). We stopped on the side of the road and took pictures because someone had ‘flamingo-ed’ their neighbors yard, and it gave us such joy to see.
I really love your story about the pink flamingo it is very inspiring i love to reading this.
I just love flamingos 🙂 These are great pictures!
Gosh. that story gave me the shiver. you are so talented.
Kai,
What a read! Truly long story and yeah, kinda like pink flamingos.
I love pink flamingos. In my area, the only way to see them is at the zoo. 🙁 I love your inspiring story!
Pink Flamingo wonderful story what is reality this may be different for many people. The plastic FAKE flamingo represent fear in this story. In Feng Shui Birds such as Flamingo represent powerful energy of prosperity.
Most of the time, fear is just a concept of imagination. I was scared of dog back in my primary school, but didn’t know it then they were lovely and sweet. I haven’t seen flamingos in real but I love looking at their photos.
lol – This is some of the best writing I have read today. Pink flamingo fetishes and fears. I love it. I think I also love your Aunt P! This has all the makings of a great children’s books series!
These pink flamingos looks really gorgeous. Recently I have clicked them at bird park and they looks superb.
I think everybody has a phobia. Though some phobias are not big, but still, it’s a phobia. Scared of something. I am scared of anything creepy looking. I mean like snakes, caterpillars, and spiders. Oh and clowns, too.
Flamingos are one of the most beautiful critters, I am very fascinated with their long legs and vibrant color!
I find it funny that she’s “allergic” to pink plastic flamingos hehehe.
Plastic pink Flamingos sort of scare because of an incident as a child! So my kids always hide them in my room to freak me out!
I have to say I don’t think they are very attractive animals, yet are so fascinating!
I didn’t know any of this about flamingos. That’s very interesting. But I think I would have been scared too if I’d gone through the same situation 🙂
My mother in law is addicted to flamingoes! She collects them in all shapes and would have the real kind if she were allowed to lol
Pink flamingos fascinate me. They are the most beautiful birds for me and I think I would also hate to see the plastic ones.
LOL at Pink Floyd. And after reading this…I don’t think I’ll ever want to put up plastic Pink Flamingos in my yard ever.
What a unique story. I never really gave much thought to where these lawn ornaments came from – but they’re really popular here in Florida.
I have never heard of a fear of flamingos, plastic or otherwise but it is logical! Mine is definitely spiders, I can’t stand them!
This is perhaps the most bizarre story that I have read and believe me I have read many books. I am still not quite sure whether it was a story you based on your fears or whether it was a true story. Either way it was an entertaining read!
I only saw flamingos at a zoo (actually, at several zoos.) I liked them, as real, living birds. I’d definitely not use a plastic one as a decoration for my garden. I didn’t see one used as a decoration in my area – though I have seen many other items. I admit that I only have flowers in my garden – and, of course, the lawn – but not such items.
The flamingos are beautiful. I remember when we were planning our sea world visit the first thing my youngest wanted to see was the flamingos.
My phobia IS flamingoes. Well, birds in general. Apparently I need to work on that LOL
I watched a documentary on flamingos, they are awesome birds, very inspiring!
Pink flamingos are beautiful creatures. I am often mesmerized by their agility and uniqueness.
wow, I learned something new. No wonder why flamingos stand on one leg.
I love flamingos! They are so pretty and lanky.
Plastic pink flamingos are common when it comes to garden decor in the states. When I stayed in California for 6 months I lost count of how many lawns and backyards I saw sporting these. I’m not into them as well, I don’t know why it’s like a staple in garden decor there, here in the Philippines you won’t see them at all.
I do not own pink plastic flamingos. Nor will I ever own them. They just look cheesy! Lol
What a strange story. No pink flamingos in our yard. However, there is a club around here that occasionally puts them in people’s front yards with a sign that says, “You’ve been flocked.”
Phobia is an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something….but Its quite difficult for me to relate it with Flamingos
I am bit blur about this topic, the pink flamingo is a creative post. Kind of like the way you symbolized it and bring the message.
I didn’t know there’s such a history to the fake pink flamingos! I’m a little lost with how the story progresses, but still an entertaining read.
Flamingos such an interesting animal and love the fact they eat shrimp that si why they are pink. In Florida flamingos are very popular almost everyone has them for decorations.
I don’t know if I should feel suspense, fear, or just laugh it off. It’s such a strange story, but I really love pink flamingoes! I especially love them as prints for clothing 🙂
I love flamingos. They’re such a captivating animal.
The story about the pink flamingos is indeed preposterous, but I read the entire thing because I find it entertaining.
Beautiful Flamingos.. feel so peaceful. I live near to the Zoo and they have Flamingos inside the park!
Flamingos are really beautiful for me, I like their color it’s pink, thanks I’ve learned a lot about flamingos. I love this story.
Hahaha! Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
This bird looks so beautiful. I am always awe with their pretty color.
I’ve seen several pink flamingos already. I can say that they look great alone but they create a symphony of pink together.
I never quite understood why people put pink flamingos on their lawns, now I get it. I still won’t go there, but I get it-lol. I love going to the Bronx Zoo because pink flamingos are everywhere. Their sanctuary is next to the food court area and it’s lovely.
I’m for Florida and just adore Pink Flamingos. I have them on my Christmas tree, a statue in my lanai and in my Snow Village. And the reason why they are pink is because they eat so much shrimp which turns their features pink. They are beautiful birds.
I love everything pink and it includes pink flamingos 🙂 I just wonder when would I see one upclose..
oh wow that is a fantastic story. i will never look at a plastic pink flamingo in the same way again.
A preposterous story it is. But you’ll never know. These flamingos look so real, it is feasible if they appear in great numbers they might scare some people!
Thanks for the link to TIME Magazine, Elizabeth.
“June 23, 2015
Don Featherstone
Amy Sancetta — AP
Don Featherstone, creator of the original plastic pink flamingo, sits surrounded by many of the plastic creatures in 1998.
The pink flamingo has been a cornerstone of kitschy American lawn decor since its creation in 1957
Donald Featherstone, famous for creating the plastic pink flamingo, a cornerstone of kitschy American lawn decor, died Monday. He was 79.
Featherstone had long been battling Lewy body dementia and died at an elder care facility in Fitchburg, Mass., his wife of 40 years, Nancy, told the Associated Press.
A classically trained painter at the Worcester Art Museum, Featherstone was working at plastics company Union Products Inc. when he conceived of the plastic pink flamingo in 1957. He modeled it after birds he saw in National Geographic.
He stayed at Union for 43 years, eventually ascending to president before retiring in 1999. Union went out of business in 2006, putting the future of the pink flamingo in question. However, the company was purchased by Cado Products Inc., which continues to manufacture the bird. Thousands are still sold each year, Bruce Zarozny, president of Cado, told the AP.
In a 1996 interview commemorating the 40th anniversary of the flamingo, Featherstone said of his creation: “People say they’re tacky, but all great art began as tacky.”
It is amazing that these birds are still being manufactured and thousands are sold each year!
The picture that goes with the above article, I found to be very scary. When people see a picture like this, they cannot help but feeling scared by flamingos, I think. But it is of course meant to be fun. Ha, ha.
Those are some great pictures. I am going to an island with pink flamingos later this year and I am excited.
I’d like to see a live one to make sure the real color of this birds…i won’t blame if some people find this bird creepy too.
WTH is all I can think. Lol. I’ll never look at those beady eyed pink flamingos that same again!
This is an interesting bit of creative writing, what was your influence for it? I love plastic flamingos so I can easily see myself becoming Aunt P.
I can’t lie… the plastic pink flamingos DO give me the heebie jeebies. I like REAL ones but the plastic ones are creepy so I can definitely understand Flavia’s phobia!
Why do pink flamingoes pink? Love reading this post since I love anything about animals.
Pink flamingos looks so adorable… Nice pictures
Plastic lawn ornaments do look kind of scary (and tacky). But this takes it to a whole new level!
Always their color amazes me. What a beautiful bird.
What a story. I’m glad to hear you are over your phobia.
What a weird, weird story. I have never conquered my fear of lizards but it has not come to a point that my life has to change because of my fear of them.
Hahaha! Thank you Eileen for your comment about the preposterous story. I’m not afraid of lizards but, those pink plastic flamingos scare me! 😆
Interestingly, pink flamingos (and donuts) are trending now on many stationery stall. You know those flamingo cup holders, kate spade inspired stuff? My friend is buying loads of those flamingo designed stuff, and your story kinda connect.
I love that quote from Edgar Allen Poe. Flamingos are such pretty animals.
Flamingos are such a cool animal. Great quote too.
i guess each and everyone of us has their own fears into something.. i used to be so afraid of clowns and mascots. i conquered my fear on mascots but clowns.. omg!
Hahaha! my kids are still sacred of them… Not me but i have my fears, 😉
Weird this may sound but it’s kind cute how we all have our own fears and how we all have our own reasons why we fear such. We are encouraged to overcome our fear; it would be an achievement for ourselves. But if we’re too afraid to face our fears, there’s nothing really wrong with it because I believe, it is also those (fears) that makes us who we are as persons; no matter how silly our fears are.
True… it’s complicated. 😉