Humor: Ten Signs To Quit The Silly Jokes…

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.'” Charles M. Schulz

Humor: Ten Signs To Quit The Silly Jokes... The joke blows up in your face...

We’ve all been to one of those parties where the jokes crossed the line for some of the attendees as Uncle Joe, drunk out of his mind, is busy making jokes about everything and everyone. Yeah, when that happens, it is time to quit the silly jokes. So, there you are at your holiday party, the host or hostess with the mostest, and your usually lovable but foul mouth favorite Uncle or Aunt is at it again with the over the top, ribald jokes that make some of your party guests cringe. How do you gauge when it’s time to shut it down, redirect the billowing smoke, and have him escorted home? Below are a few tongue-in-cheek signs that show it’s time to drop the silly jokes. What would you add? Ten Signs it’s Time to Quit the Silly Jokes…

♥ When that health-related joke hits close to home…
♥ When party guests from the countries you mentioned say they hate your joke
♥ When the host’s children are present at the party and think they’re being pulled into a spousal fight
♥ When the joke foisted on the host’s kids is a sexually charged one.

That Health Related Joke
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father,
‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answers,
‘Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions’.
‘Onions?’
‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,
‘Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?.
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,
‘Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30’s and 40’s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50’s, it is like a Christmas Tree.’
‘A Christmas tree?’
‘Yes – the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.’

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” George Carlin

Humor: Ten Signs To Quit The Silly Jokes... You lost your sanity; don't assume everyone else did too

There are times when the joke is us or on us, at that point, it might be time to reconsider the line of conversation and aim for some other type of conversation… When the jokes we share are based on confidential information shared by a party guest, it’s a lousy idea to use it for entertainment. Even if we think that cracking such jokes about ourselves or a member of our family is funny, we need to check in with them first and also consider the present company before rattling off stuff that makes us the butt of a sensitive joke. So here are a few more reasons to quit that joke…

♥ When the bank manager in question is your neighbor’s manager and it was shared in confidence
♥ When the conversation that came before the small business idea was about your neighbor’s financial troubles
♥ When the host’s wife worked her butt off to lose weight and had gained it all back
♥ When the conversation with Dr Die Diet reminded her of the ones she had with “friends” (like you and your spouse) and members of her extended family.

Fire Your Bank Manager
A man goes to his bank manager and says: “I’d like to start a small business. How do I go about it?” “Simple,” says the bank manager. “Buy a big one and wait.

Dr Die Diet (Clearly uneducated and posing as an MD) 😆
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart’s only good for so many beats, and that’s it… Don’t waste it on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up the heart does not make you live longer; it’s like saying you can extend the life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine;that means they take water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain… good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they are permeated by it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain a whale to me…
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Thanks everyone for your comments and more. I will catch up on your blogs and commenting this weekend! Merci! There’s always More Below. 😉

“The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes.” William Davis

Humor: Ten Signs To Quit The Silly Jokes... Don't rub the salt in other people's noses 😉

When is it a good time to quit? Humor is appreciated around the world and people generally can handle a little bit of ribbing. However, it’s not a good idea to crack jokes when there are existing tensions in a relationship; the party guests will pick up on the jab pretending to be a joke and the other party to the relationship won’t be amused. So here are my final two… after my temporary blackout… apologies for the previously missing information.  😉

♥ When the line “Go get your mother” pisses your spouse off.
♥ When the ribald joke about your vegetables makes everyone blush; including the family dog.

Third World Discovery
A boy and his father visiting from a small country village in Latvia were at a large multi-story shopping mall in America. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, “What is this, father?” The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is!”
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles lit up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, “Quick! Go get your mother.”

The Vegetable Garden
Once there was a woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor’s garden, which had beautiful, bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired about his secret. “It’s really quite simple,” the old man explained, “Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment.
Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her tomato plants, twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check on her progress.”So,” he asked, “Any luck with your tomatoes?” “No,” she replied excitedly, “but you should see the size of my cucumbers!”

What about you? What are your thoughts? When is it time to leave the jokes at home? Do you remember being privy to a poorly placed joke at a party? How did it make you feel? Do share! Thank you. 🙂

This post was inspired by a prompt from WP Daily Post: When is it a good time to quit? There’s a common sentiment that you should always tough things out and that it’s weak to quit. When is this not true? How do you know you should quit something?

Positive Motivation Tip: Jokes are fine till they cross a line; crack your jokes but be sure the company you’re in will appreciate it. 😉

Related articles

• Humor: Why Top Ten Lists Rock and Ten To Keep You Laughing… (eof737.wordpress.com)
• Why Jokes Are Seductive (psychologytoday.com)
• What is a sense of humor (wiki.answers.com)
• How to make internet jokes without risking your job (holykaw.alltop.com)
• Translating Humor and the Anatomy of a Joke (stiefelsinkwell.wordpress.com)
• Jokes Introduction (pknatz.wordpress.com)
• #84: Learn a new joke (smilekiddo.wordpress.com)

PHOTO CREDITS/ATTRIBUTIONS: All Photos Blow the smoke, Wikipedia. Or Protected tree by KitLKat, My Sanity by Mental health humor via Flickr

Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Mirth and Motivation
Positive Kismet