Tag Archives: time

Musings: What’s On Your List?

“I believe that all humans have moments of inspiration when we perceive truth. These moments usually occur when the mind is quiet–when we perceive the force of life through our feelings.”  don Miguel Ruiz

Musings: What’s On Your List? Your heart’s list?

Seth Godin is one of my favorite marketing geniuses and an accomplished writer/blogger. Whenever I need to remind myself why certain things I choose to do matter, I go back to his writings and his blog for fuel. You see, Seth is not an advocate of the herd/bandwagon effect, he is more for finding our voice, following what matters to our hearts and damn the consequences. Now, I don’t mean that in a nonchalant way, but that as we continue to follow our hearts, what we do feels solid inside of us so no matter which way the winds blow, we remain steady on our course. We might stumble or even fall down sometimes, but that is the test of our metier and can only make us stronger.

Recently, I received two posts from him that resonated with me. The first, What’s On Your List, poses two important questions: How often do you remind yourself of what’s on the list? If the first thing you do when considering an opportunity is consult the list, the list is the most important thing in your life, isn’t it? Basically, bucket lists are only good if we act on them. Another point is that many of us don’t respond spontaneously to opportunities that make us joyful because we are busy calculating our risk and wondering if it belongs on our list of shoulds. The advice is to just go with it. Live. Dare to be different. We can learn to enjoy the liberating feeling of stepping out of our comfort zone and there is tremendous personal growth there.

“Some people wonder all their lives if they’ve made a difference. The Marines don’t have that problem.” Ronald Reagan

Musings: What’s On Your List? Fire Up your muse…

The other post is Do we have to pander? In this one, he exhorts us to stay true to what matters to us and to not allow shifting winds to distract us from our hearts desire. There were a couple of lines that stood out for me: “Restaurants serve chicken fingers to their guests’ kids, because it’s the only thing they’ll eat. Some comedians give up their best work in exchange for jokes that everyone will get.” and “Yes, you can have a blog that follows every rule of blogging and seo, but no, it won’t be a blog we’ll miss if it’s gone.” The point he makes is that we go back to why we started it all and refocus on that original impulse as that is what will sustain us. Why settle for sameness? Stay true to you. The fact is that we can’t be everything to everybody.  I started this blog in 2008, and I recall that for many months I barely had any traffic. Then I had one subscriber, then another, and one committed blog friend and then another. Over time, it changed and has gotten infinitely better. I thank all who have supported this blog both outwardly and silently. Actually, the silent readers continue to be a surprising source of amazing grace too.

Two other bits of reading on my mind are Things To Stop Dwelling On from O Magazine. In it, Oprah offers advice on 10 things to stop sweating over and they include whether or not someone is mad at you, doing better than you, and the rudeness of strangers…  Rudeness is a pet peeve of mine and I had to laugh when I saw it on the list… Let it go. I encourage you to read the rest. Finally, Mamakat’s recent workshop prompt asks us to: List the 6 best things about being an adult. Making decisions and standing by them is adult for me. Honoring ourselves even if others don’t is another important one. When was the last time you treated yourself to something fun or pampered yourself? What’s stopping you? Other people’s opinions? What a waste of precious time, please go for it! The operative word for me this summer is FUN! Live boldly. :-) More below!

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Musings: What Time Is It?

“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever…” Isak Dinesen

Musings: What Time Is It?

Recently, on the NY subway, a man turned to me and asked, “What time is it?” I looked at him, not sure if he really wanted the time or was just using an old pick up line… I guess I didn’t react fast enough because he asked the question again; this time with a touch of impatience in his voice. “Miss, what time is it?” I looked up at the digital clock, displayed in military time, on the roof of the subway car and pointing to it said, “There’s the time, 10;05am!” “Thanks! I can’t see it.” He replied. I was startled. He didn’t look blind to me and I doubt he had confused read with see. He sensed my surprise and turning to look at me, he said in a calm voice. “Yeah, I don’t have a stick but I’m legally blind alright.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond, even though the term and condition is one I am familiar with in my own family. According to notes in Wikipedia,  “In North America and most of Europe, legal blindness is defined as visual acuity (vision) of 20/200 (6/60) or less in the better eye with best correction possible. This means that a legally blind individual would have to stand 20 feet (6.1 m) from an object to see it—with corrective lenses—with the same degree of clarity as a normally sighted person could from 200 feet (61 m).”  I smiled nervously at him and he, smiling right at me, turned his attention back to his thoughts.

“The time is always right to do what is right.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Musings: What Time Is It?

What struck me, in that simple exchange on the subway ride that morning, was how important it is not to make assumptions of people and situations. Even when things appear one way, the back story could be something completely different. There was a time, back in the day, when subway muggings were high. I remember when there was a rash of jewelry muggings that sometimes began with the question “What time is it?”

Over the years, especially in the Rudolf Giuliani years, tremendous effort was made to quell the problem. Nevertheless, the memory of subway muggings still linger in many minds; including mine.  So that morning, a legally blind man who could see me up close, but couldn’t see the digital clock above his head, reminded me of the importance of not judging others blindly; of not assuming things; and of the value in simply reaching out to genuinely ask or answer the question: What time is it? More below!

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Reflections: Why People Shy Away From Bad News…

“Never awake me when you have good news to announce, because with good news nothing presses; but when you have bad news, arouse me immediately, for then there is not an instant to be lost.” Napoleon Bonaparte

Reflections: Why People Shy Away From Bad News…

Reflections: Why People Shy Away From Bad News… Or How We Handle Other People’s Grief.
Years ago, I had a friend who was always eager to share the events of her life; good and bad. While, in our circle of friends, we understood that life throws us all many curve balls, good and bad, she didn’t quite grasp the concept. You see, she had no qualms sharing her Debbie downer stories but she took umbrage anytime anyone else shared a sad or distressing story… “Please enough with the negativity… I don’t want to be tainted by bad news stories… Go tell someone else!” Tainted? She believed, like some others do too, that being around bad news or even around anyone who has experienced it would somehow transfer the experience to her. Of course, common sense makes it highly unlikely that my bad news will become your bad experience… but some people believe this.

“Nobody likes the bringer of bad news” Sophocles

When a good friend of mine lost a child some years back, there were friends who simply walked away and stopped talking to her. I found the behavior both strange and painful. Why would anyone choose a dark period in a friend’s life to disappear? As someone explained it to me, “Perhaps they didn’t know how to comfort her or it brought back sad memories of their own…” Perhaps. But wouldn’t a simple expression of condolence, “my sympathies to you and yours” suffice, even if we can’t find the emotional strength or words to share? We all experience loss during our lifetime; eventually culminating in our own demise and so to shy away from the subject or from those who are hurting makes no sense at all. I can understand the sense of overwhelm, but walking away is unconscionable… with no apologies given.

“Bad news isn’t wine. It doesn’t improve with age.” Colin Powell

Reflections: Why People Shy Away From Bad News…

What other factors contribute to this behavior? I haven’t seen specific research on shying away but I’ve read plenty on handling grief/coping with grief and what stood out is that people do respond to grief in different ways; we have coping mechanisms that we use to handle bad news. These coping mechanisms cover the emotional spectrum from numbness, anger, bitterness, deep sadness, gratitude, and feigned indifference, to an eagerness to get back to normalcy. In a Washington Post article, Christopher Davis, a professor of psychology, shared how he conducted a research study in which he and colleagues interviewed the 52 surviving family members, including 11 widows of 26 coal miners who died in a terrible accident. They found three coping methods in the group: Mullers (looked for positive lessons from their loss), Chronic grievers (rehashed events and stories) and Copers (believed that bad stuff happens and get over it). Assuming we fall in one of these three categories, our reaction to other people’s loss might trigger a specific response or, in some cases, none at all. Those who shy away might fall in the Copers group, and, if an event doesn’t affect them directly, adopt a stance that says “Hey, stuff happens! No comment.” The other extreme is what we see on the internet when trolls, hiding behind anonymous handles, write nasty things about a tragic loss.

“He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.” Bertolt Brecht

Reflections: Why People Shy Away From Bad News…

In Bill Urell’s 10 Ways to Handle Grief , one of his suggested tips is to Blog about your experiences or write a diary. Writing about a painful episode can be cathartic for both the writer and those who knew the deceased up close. Honoring the deceased and sharing facets of their life can help with the healing process. Since we live in a world that is increasingly internet driven and public, we can no longer avoid public expressions of grief; especially if the loved died tragically in a public event. Now, in conversations I have had, some people feel that airing such news is in bad form; grieving should be private… Perhaps. I think that position is more to allay their discomfort with the whole thing. Furthermore, it is not scientifically proven that grieving privately makes us feel any better any sooner, so I beg to differ. I am more inclined to say grieve as you honestly feel and move forward only when you’re ready… which most of us eventually do; not when others expect/advice/think you should. Could there be a cultural component to this subject? More below!

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