“I’m addicted to email, but other than that, there are practical things – being able to buy a book on the internet that you can’t find in your local bookshop. This could be a lifeline if you live further from the sources.” Marilyn Hacker
A tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek ode…
The love affair began with that dinosaur – A
An aging mail maid with suspect kin
She danced before EJ’s novice eyes and signed her up without a sigh
Soon that chime-y voice announced “you’ve got mail” a hundred times.
EJ loved A back with vim and vigor, she was her first email provider, you know, go figure!
Over time, EJ felt the itch, to spread her wings for some new trick
She ventured off to meet other email folk; Opt on, Opt out, even MSNot now…
But soon found them all wanting and not quite her style
One day, EJ met that (lovely) Hotmail chick – A provider so hot it’s the UK’s biggest hit
And she soon signed up for her daily fix
Twas a slow day on the Internet and A was acting like she needed a probe
For a cheap date, Hotmail sure did deliver, easy mail across the globe
They kissed and hugged and became hot new friends
Connecting, uploading, loving and surfing
But soon, they tanked from too much schmoozing
Or was it the glitch from too much … downloading?
Fishing around for some tasty Wahoo
EJ scored a date with a dude on Yahoo
Soon she’d joined the throngs on Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle
And hung in there after her dude high-tailed it for some new miracle
When the going was good they’d listened to the sounds of The Who
And sent lovey dovey e-mails up the wazoo
She shoulda known that dude was just another yahoo
He had a nasty temper and a lousy tattoo
But soon she was back with that stinkin’ dude
Who made the lady act like a dog in a zoo
More below on this nonsensical, tongue-in-cheek email post inspired by the Weekly Writing Challenge from WP
Not one to be discouraged, EJ tuned out the fool
She’d found a new love on good ol’ Google
He courted her first with tunes on Youtube
Then uploaded vlogs to woo and impress her
She was quite touched that he vlogged on WordPress
For she thought he’d write her a Blogger post first
EJ hooked up a Gmail account and found all the features quite overwhelming
She wasn’t sure she wanted a Gmail profile…
Let alone make friends with strangers with + signs
One day EJ turned to a friend at the mall and said
“I miss the days when we only made phone calls!”
“I can’t stand the Viagra hawkers, the scammers with dead rich relatives.
I can’t stand the thieves, the lying penile extenders.
I can’t stand the work-at-home liars and the virus spreaders!”
“Don’t despair,” said the friend, to her dejected buddy,
“One day they’ll invent a chip to plant in your head
And zap out the s**t that comes through email. Be grateful your Gmail captures the scum.”
EJ considered her good friend’s sage advice
As up popped an instant message from her Gmail lover…
“Hey babe, tonight is the night… so please be nice!”
EJ sent a wink to her lover and then to her good friend she replied,
“I guess it’s not bad to keep this account, and my Y, H and A email accounts.
You never know who might try to reach you… I’d rather talk now than wait for a chip …”
So EJ has kept all her email accounts
And checks them quite often to chat and to frown
Maybe one day she’ll choose only one, delete the others, and toss the junkie crown…
Forever. We hope. And I’m tempted to say – whatever. Oy vey!
Have an awesome weekend! Thank you for stopping by! What are your thoughts? What approach did you use for the challenge? Was it easy/hard to email your post? Did you attach photos for the prompt? Do share? Thank you!
*Please bear with me as I continue to catch up on your blogs and commenting… Thank you all for your patience!
This post was inspired by a prompt from WP Daily Post: Weekly Writing Challenge: Mail It In For this week’s challenge, use the Post by Email tool to create a new post touching on email, communication, and online correspondence. Go beyond how email may have changed how you communicate and dive into a specific example of a funny interaction, specific trends, or a detailed, comedic account of your email obsession.
Positive Motivation Tip: Email is a helpful tool for quick communication… but nothing beats reaching out and making physical contact with friends and family… Reach out and touch someone! Didn’t AT&T say that?
- Musings: Ode To An Email Junkie… (eof737.wordpress.com)
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- Email Smackdown: Outlook.com vs. Gmail (mashable.com)
- Email. What’s your weapon of choice? For most UK adults it appears to be Hotmail (thenextweb.com)
- Weekly Writing Challenge: My Mum’s Net | Janet’s Notebook
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- I Get Emails From Tyler Perry!!! | Simply Charming
- An Email to you with the “Email post” from my Email « e-Shibin
- Weekly Writing Challenge: Mail It In – Today I almost… | Etol Thoughts
- How to Import Hotmail, Yahoo, and AOL Contacts into Google Apps (freetech4teachers.com)
- Do You Know How to Please Your Web Junkies? (zemanta.com)
- Google Apps now lets you import emails and contacts from Yahoo, Hotmail, and AOL into Gmail (thenextweb.com)